Childless couples now make up more than 40 per cent of family households in the UK, official statistics have revealed, but parents are taking to social media to reveal how having children has caused them to lose friends and sour relationships to lifetime.
Becoming a mother or father “really shows you who your true selves are”, influencers have revealed, as they opened up about the lack of support that is often evident in their circles.
‘I’m just the best friend who has a baby,’ Shannon Allman (@shannonallmanx), from the United Kingdom, shared in a TikTok from April of last year.
She talked about feeling like she “no longer exists because she has a baby” and “like she doesn’t get invited anywhere.”
Shannon, 25, who has two children, added that she feels like she just “changes diapers, prepares bottles and waits to be included.”
“I’m just the best friend who has a baby,” Shannon Allman (@shannonallmanx) shared in a TikTok from April of last year.
‘If I don’t text first, will I hear from you?’ she questioned.
What’s more, beyond the perceptions of her friends, the mother also faces the social pressures of motherhood, such as being considered not to love her baby if she has an evening to herself or being told that certain clothes It is “inappropriate” for you to use in settings with your friends.
and Chelsea (@cheleseamc_x), who is in her twenties and had a baby in November, recently shared her own experience as well.
“Once you have a baby, you realize that not everyone is really your friend,” she said in a December TikTok.
‘Everyone is eager to be ‘auntie’ and promise you throughout your pregnancy that they will always be there for you, but once you have the baby, they are nowhere to be seen.
“There are no texts to check in on you and your baby, no one bothers to make plans with you, and most ‘friends’ leave you alone during one of life’s hardest times when they promised to always be there.”
Elsewhere that month, parenting influencer Sophie Harris (@looking_after_mom) shared a post about the “pain” many feel over lost friendships after becoming parents.
“No one talks about the pain you feel over lost friendships when you become a mother,” she wrote.
And Chelsea (@cheleseamc_x), who is in her 20s and had a baby in November, recently shared her own experience as well.
‘Sometimes it’s friends you always thought would always be there who don’t show up.
‘Other times you are the one who is too overwhelmed and exhausted to reach out to someone and you isolate yourself.
“Either way, it’s one of the biggest transitions you didn’t expect postpartum.”
Sophie, pregnancy and postpartum therapist and coach, who is also a mother. aggregate: The early stages of motherhood can be lonely as you lose and find your identity, and lose and find new friendships.
‘Some people know a group of new mom friends. While others do not find their tribe of motherhood.’
Elsewhere that month, parenting influencer Sophie Harris (@looking_after_mum) shared a post about the ‘pain’ many feel over lost friendships after becoming parents.
However, it seems that not all friendships suffer so dramatically, as the social media app is also full of friends who are delighted to take care of their best friend’s baby.
‘POV: Your best friend has a baby so now you can finally live out your cool aunt era,’ Sabina (@sabinaxdx) said in a video enjoying a walk through London with her friend’s little boy.
“Doing life with my new best friend,” she added.
However, on the other side of the divide, people have also opened up about the disconnection they feel when their friends have babies and retreat into parenthood.
‘It becomes us against them. On the one hand: People with children (PWIKS: exhausted, distracted, bored, rigid, covered in spit-up; I can’t talk about movies, just how they wish they had time to see them),’ wrote Allison P. Davis. in a viral essay on the topic for The cut.
‘And on the other: People without children (PWOKS: self-absorbed, authoritarian, attention whores, grumpy about life’s inconveniences even though their life is easy).
However, it seems that not all friendships suffer so dramatically, as the social media app is also full of friends who are delighted to take care of their best friend’s baby.
When those slights are not addressed, it becomes very easy to walk away.
She also called the babies “adorable little triggers,” which for many felt like a countdown to the explosive end of a friendship.
Talking with him Huffington PostA childless New Yorker also talked about how she handles the feeling that her friends are slipping away from her.
‘I think for me it’s about the ease of making plans. In the past, there was the ability to grab drinks on the go, plan a girls’ trip or get together more easily,” Tiffany Dyba, 41, told the outlet.
“Now there’s definitely more juggling and more work to get things on the schedule.”
However, he has worked to give “grace” to his co-parents and refocus the way he views them.
“I find myself being more flexible,” he said. ‘Sometimes you have to schedule a time to catch up or wait longer for a response to your text message. That doesn’t mean they don’t care about you or love you. It means they’re doing the best they can.”
According to the Office for National Statistics, there were 469,000 more families in the UK last year compared to 2013, and two in five were childless.
The figures were published as part of the ONS annual bulletin on the composition of families and households across the UK.
It defines a family unit as a married couple, in a civil union or in a free union, who lives with or without their unmarried children.
It is estimated that last year there were 19.5 million families living in households in the UK.
The increase was around 1.1 million (6 per cent) compared to 2013, when the ONS estimated there were around 18.4 million families.
It reflected overall UK population growth, which stood at 6 per cent over the decade 2012-2022, the most recent data available.
Figures also revealed that a third of young men aged 20 to 34 lived at home with their parents last year.
This compared to less than a quarter (22 percent) of young women.
ONS data shows that married couples remain the most common family type in the UK in the decade since 2013.
In 2023 there were 198,000 de facto couples, triple the number in 2013 (64,000). Stock image used
They represent 3.6 million young people living at home with their parents: 28 percent of all young people.
It was a 2 percent increase compared to 2013, although the trends were broadly the same.
In 2023, less than half of men were living with their parents by age 25, one year more than in 2013.
The trend was the same for women of whom less than half were living with their parents at age 22 in 2023, again a one-year increase compared to 2013.
And there was an increase in single parents with adult children.
In 2023 there were 3.2 million single-parent families, an increase of 200,000 compared to 2013.
But among those families, those living with adult children accounted for 130,000, more than half the increase recorded during the decade.
The ONS defines adult children as ‘non-dependent’, meaning they are over 18 but live with their parents and do not have a partner, spouse or children.
It also includes young people aged 16 to 18 who are not in full-time education.
