A few nights ago, I was sitting at an expensive restaurant with a couple of friends. Halfway through the meal, three rowdy kids at the next table started acting up.
Two of them, about five and seven years old, were fighting loudly and kicking each other, while their parents continued eating as if nothing was happening. When one of the boys started banging his spoon on the table, I decided I’d had enough.
“Excuse me,” I said, turning around in my seat. “Could you please take care of your children?”
The mother got angry as if it was my fault: “What do you want me to do? Leave them at home?”
“Not a bad idea,” I thought as I turned around, furious inside. Why did these parents think it was okay to interrupt everyone else’s evening just so they could escape the house without bothering to find a babysitter?
The moment I see a child sitting at a table, my nerves get on edge and my stress levels go through the roof, writes Kate Mulvey
This isn’t the first time a dinner party has been ruined in this way: from the toddler splashing me with ragout sauce to the deafening screams of babies as I tuck into steak and chips on a date, not to mention the four-year-olds who decided to use a Michelin-starred restaurant as their own playground. As a result, the moment I see a child sitting at the table, I get all antsy and my stress levels go through the roof.
That’s why I firmly believe it’s time to stand up to today’s unruly families and ban all children under 10 from entering restaurants after 7:30 p.m.
I don’t think it’s an unreasonable demand. An evening spent enjoying good food and wine with friends is a haven of peace and tranquillity, where the tensions of the day can be dissipated with laughter and chatter. The last thing we want is a pack of noisy children giving us a collective headache.
Kate Mulvey says it’s not the kids’ fault, but she does blame the parents
I’m not the only one who thinks this way. My childless colleagues complain about the toddler brigade, and even friends with kids tell me that when they do manage to squeeze out some time to themselves, the last thing they want to hear is screaming children. We already have adults-only hotels, where adults can avoid being colonised by families, so shouldn’t a child-free restaurant be an option too?
Before you accuse me of being a bitter, oblivious child-hater, let me just say that I have regularly taken my beloved nephews out to eat over the years, but at the more socially considerate lunchtime, or for an early dinner before most people head out in earnest.
Because I get it, kids are rebellious. I don’t think a three-year-old can stay quiet for hours. That’s what kid-friendly restaurants are for during the day.
It’s not their fault, but it is my parents’. When I was younger, if we were taken to a restaurant we had to sit up straight and behave, or else we were sent home and straight to bed. And no matter how carefully we watched our manners, we were home and in bed by 7:30. My parents would have been mortified at the prospect of my siblings and I making a scene and attracting the attention of the other diners, and they would have taken action the moment we stepped out of line.
How things have changed. Nowadays, selfish and pretentious parents let their small children climb on chairs and run around bothering others while they drink Prosecco.
Well, I’m fed up with our modern, child-centric society, where family is king and parents think the rest of us should conform our lives to the dictates of their whiny offspring.
Yes, children should be free to play and have fun, running around parks and gardens with their footballs and scooters.
But by allowing them to run loose in a restaurant at night, you are discriminating against those of us who want to chat with our table companions without a helping of brat-fighter.
Restaurants aren’t cheap. If I’ve paid a hefty sum to enjoy the privilege of eating out, I shouldn’t have to worry about your marauding kids ruining my evening just because you can’t find someone to babysit.
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