A grandmother is pushing back against the trend of baby boomers being used as free childcare by their families, describing child-rearing as “abominable work” when they should be enjoying their golden years.
Melbourne writer Avril Moore sparked a heated debate when she declared that she and her husband would not help raise their grandchildren, despite pressure from “glittery lifestyle” advertisements promoting the “joy and wonder” of caring for young children.
“Rebelling against the status quo is not the main reason either of us fail to provide care for our offspring. The truth is that we just don’t like it,” she wrote in an op-ed for Age.
The grandmother of eight said she had spent many years raising her own children and that she and her husband did not want to take on that responsibility again in her later years.
‘Caring for preschool-aged children, particularly those under four, is a relentless regimen of feeding, sleeping, diapering, cleaning, holding, rocking, vomiting, drooling, teething pain, temperatures, illnesses, meaningless picture book reading, playgrounds, and trying to decipher baby babbling,’ she wrote.
Ms. Moore clarified that she had no problem taking on the role of grandmother, with occasional visits, activities and outings, but felt there was a big difference between that and “taking care of children from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. … several days a week while parents work during the day.”
The part-time teacher said she also resented the social expectation: backed by government figures gender Equality strategy: that grandmothers should be involved in regular childcare simply because they are women..
She went on to complain about “old men who get excited about their newfound love of childcare,” after these same men “never lifted a finger when their own children were little” and “now expect to receive sainthood for suddenly changing a diaper.”
An Australian grandmother said she was upset that she was expected to provide free childcare for her grandchildren (file image)
Ms. Moore’s op-ed sparked an outpouring of comments from readers, some of whom agreed it was a “thankless” job that often involved being lectured by her adult children about the “right” way to do things.
But others said it was a privilege to be able to participate in raising their grandchildren.
“Avril Moore’s op-ed on being a doting grandfather left me a little sad for her,” wrote Blackheath’s Tim Herborn in a letter to the editor.
‘He seems to forget that when it comes to keeping a roof over our heads, our generation had it much easier than the current generation.
‘I’m sure there are many grandparents who help with childcare out of sheer financial necessity, as well as other grandparents who simply want to be part of the family.’
“Our caring for nine grandchildren over 15 years has fostered a very close relationship with all of them,” said Sally Spurr of Lane Cove.
“It’s amazing that we still maintain a fulfilling life of work, theater and vacations… It’s called family.”
“Put the resentment aside. There are precious moments you can spend with your grandchildren. Enjoy the moment. Before you know it, you’ll be saying, ‘Hey, have a nice life,'” said Vic Alhadeff of Kirribilli.
But one commenter agreed with Ms Moore’s complaint about being free labour.
“Expecting grandparents to care for children more than one day a week is selfish… I love them, don’t get me wrong, but they are not mine to raise,” they said.
“I totally agree… Governments rely on the generosity of most women to help provide free childcare. Can you imagine if men couldn’t work because they didn’t have childcare? The situation would be solved within a few months,” said another.
“I’m always amazed at how many young people expect their parents to take on the role of carer while they are off building careers and paying off huge mortgages. It’s so unfair to grandparents who have already done it once and are now free to do what they want,” said a third.
According to the Mitchell Institute at Victoria University, around nine million Australians live in neighbourhoods classified as “childcare deserts” where access to childcare is limited.
According to the Mitchell Institute at Victoria University, around nine million Australians live in neighbourhoods classified as “child care deserts” where access to child care services is limited.
And around 1.1 million live in regional or remote areas where no child care centres are available.
For those who do have access to child care, recent fee increases, limited spaces and staff shortages mean it is increasingly difficult to find affordable child care.
The government’s childcare subsidy for working families was set to increase in July 2023, but the ACCC says this has been largely eroded by a rise in fees.