Being a single woman at the age of 53 was never something I had planned.
For 20 years I had only slept with one man, but our long-term relationship ended when I was 43. We had become friends instead of lovers and our lives were going in different directions, so we broke up.
We had never married or had children; I wasn’t interested in either and instead chose to put my career in marketing first.
When we broke up, I didn’t get back into the dating scene like my ex-partner did. In fact, I avoided it completely. The thought of starting from scratch terrified me and I had heard horror stories about online dating.
What started as a desire to remain single eventually turned into 10 years of celibacy.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was part of the ‘voluntary celibacy’ movement. It’s different from involuntary celibates: men who crave sex but can’t get it, so they turn to hatred. Rather, it refers to women who choose to abstain from sex to heal trauma, reduce stress, and escape the toxicity of modern dating.
I was a happy ‘volcel’ (again, not a term I was familiar with until recently) until about two months ago, when a good friend made a suggestion that changed my mind.
‘Why don’t you hire a male companion?’
Being a single woman at the age of 53 was never something I had planned. But a bold suggestion from a friend changed everything… (file image posed by a model)
Before I get into that conversation, let me paint a picture of my sex life at 53 years old.
When I became single at forty, there was no fire inside me. Sex was the last thing on my mind with perimenopause right around the corner. My libido decreased so quickly that I felt like I could easily go the rest of my life without having sex with a man again.
But things changed for me, as they did for many of us, during the Covid lockdown. As I approached fifty, my libido returned in full force.
When menopause disappeared in the rearview mirror, I was like a horny teenager again. Maybe it was the freedom of not having children or the lack of stress in relationships, but I suddenly felt something I hadn’t experienced since I was 20.
Suddenly, I wanted sex without conditions. I wanted a judgment-free zone, I wanted security, I wanted comfort, I wanted to be adored and pleased.
But I still didn’t want to join dating apps or go on blind dates. I didn’t want to have a relationship with a stranger. I didn’t want to have to kiss dozens of frogs before finding my Prince Charming between the sheets.
So, after a few years of frustration, my friend’s suggestion took me by surprise. He said it was trendy in his social circle. Apparently, it’s easier for busy single moms to pay a professional once a month than it is to try to find a boyfriend among those over 40 on dating apps.
At first I laughed, but inside I was intrigued..
So it was that on November 3rd I Googled ‘male escorts for women over 50’. One of the first results was Her Confidant, a luxury escort agency for women and couples only..
The profiles of the men fascinated me. Reading their biographies, which highlighted their passions and interests as well as their stunning physical attributes, was more than enticing. I decided to try it.
I sent an email and Anna Grosman, the agency’s founder, responded almost instantly. She asked me what I was looking for and I explained that I hadn’t been with a man in 10 years.
I explained to him that I was the loudest and most cheerful of my group of friends, but that in terms of sex, let’s say, I was pretty out of practice.
Anna said she had the perfect man for me: Andre.
While I was with friends, one of them suggested hiring an escort. At first, I laughed at the idea, but my curiosity got the best of me (file image submitted by models)
I looked at his profile, which detailed how he liked gardening and swimming in the ocean. His face was blurry so I didn’t know exactly what he looked like, but he had curly hair and was six feet tall.
Anna said he was very empathetic, mature and had a lot of experience with women his similar age. I would soon find out that he was absolutely right.
She suggested the ‘dinner package’ but I wasn’t interested in getting to know him on a personal level or going on a fake date. I wanted to get down to business, so I booked him for two hours, which cost $1,900, and scheduled our meeting for a week.
I chose my favorite outfit, opting for pants instead of a dress. Looking in the mirror, I never imagined I would be the type of person who would hire an escort. But there I was, about to meet one in a hotel bar.
I was full of nerves waiting for Andre to arrive. I asked for bread to snack on. Then I saw him enter. Handsome in a suit, his curly hair swayed slightly as he entered, exuding confidence.
There were a thousand thoughts running through my mind and they all stopped when he said “hello.” He kissed me on the cheek before sitting next to me.
It smells so good. Do I have lipstick on my teeth? Don’t say anything stupid.
We laughed and had a lovely conversation over mocktails for 30 minutes. I chose not to drink because I wanted to be fully present.
It wasn’t long before I felt comfortable in his presence. I quickly understood that this was his job: to make women feel good. And he really did it.
We went up to the hotel room. He stroked my hair and then kissed me. I’ll spare you the dirty details, but it was some of the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.
Sure, it was a little awkward at first when we were talking about safe sex, what I liked and what I didn’t like. But when we got down to it, God, I felt alive again.
I’ll be honest: I was skeptical at first. I didn’t know what to expect, but he was an incredible lover, but also a cautious one who put my needs first.
He was different from my last lover. He was better.
Time passed quickly and slowly at the same time. All my nerves disappeared. After multiple orgasms, we collapsed into bed together and spent the rest of our time together hugging and talking.
We had a deep conversation that I never expected to have with a man again. I talked about my insecurities: I talked about my decade-long celibacy and he encouraged me to start dating again.
Treat it as an experiment. If you don’t go on second dates, who cares? said.
Your advice really changed my perspective. What did I have to lose?
I have hired Andre twice since then. Our time together is always wonderful, but I’m under no illusions: I know he’s offering a service and I’m just another customer.
I plucked up the courage to join a dating app and went out this week with a man 15 years younger than me. I never would have done it two months ago. I’m not exaggerating when I say that Andre has made me feel like a different person. I can’t wait to tell you about my date.
He wasn’t cheap, but he was worth every penny.
- As told to Carina Stathis