Dear Amy, When my wife was a teenager, a twenty-something man she knew in her social circle became obsessed with her. He kept calling her and mostly complaining about her life.
He began to talk about marriage, although he was an annoying acquaintance to her.
She finally had enough and told him to stop contacting her. She then began with her friends and family.
When she and I got engaged, he started contacting me, my friends and family.
She wrote many long, whiny letters about how miserable he was and how terrible she was and why they couldn’t just be friends.
This comes from years ago. We have lots of letters that she wrote. Eventually, she stopped writing and we hoped that she would have finally moved on.
But it started up again. We are in our 60’s now.
His letters are the same as before and are full of delusions about how things used to be.
The letters are very distressing for my wife, always. She is in counseling.
We have contacted lawyers, but they are not interested because he has not made violent threats and because we have not seen him in person in years.
What can we do?
– Conflict
Dear Conflict: According to you, these letters do not contain threatening language and do not cross the line of harassment. Are you sure? You have expressly requested that you not be contacted, so you should investigate further to see if the content of these letters exceeds the legal line.
Writing and sending these letters can be a venting exercise for this unstable person, and simply receiving them but never responding can slow them down.
You need to go to the post office and speak to your local postmaster. Ask about your options to reject this email. Ask if they can withhold delivery of mail from this particular sender, or if it is possible or advisable to fill out a form called PS 1500 (which applies to sexually explicit material).
They may advise you (not your wife) to open and read these letters to make sure they haven’t changed tone (keep them on file), or request an ink stamp that reads: “Moved, no matter what.” forwarding address”. or “return to sender” and return letters unopened.
If you do this, take a photo of these letters so you have a record of when they were delivered.
Dear Amy, I work for a well-known company in an office environment that was very busy and stressful before the pandemic hit.
All the workers in my category have been working from home for almost three years.
I have completely adjusted and find that I am just as productive as before, and much happier. In addition to the convenience of working from my home office, I have saved 10 hours of commuting per week, as well as a substantial sum that I would have spent on clothing, lunches, and commutes.
My company now urges us all to return to the office. I heard through the grapevine that they are starting to crack down.
I wonder what I should do.
– Happily working
Dear Happily Working, The first thing you should do is contact your manager to see if there is any flexibility in this dictate, for an experienced and productive worker like you. Are you willing to go to the office?
According to a recent article published in Forbes magazine, his company is part of a trend of workplaces insisting that workers return to the office.
There are few employment laws that protect your preference to work from home.
The market, however, is on your side.
Adzuna, a job posting search engine, conducted “a year-over-year analysis of job openings posted in the United States and found that from November 2020 to 2022, job postings grew by more than 6.2 million.” . However, less than 2 percent were for in-office positions, while postings for remote positions were up nearly 10 percent.
It may be time for you to return to the job market.
Dear Amy: “Sad Sister in WY” described her brother’s girlfriend as “fixing up” her appearance in various ways and then criticizing the way she used to look.
You described the girlfriend as controlling and tactless.
Unfortunately, I identified with the girlfriend. I realize that I have been criticizing my husband’s appearance. Now I see how rude that is.
– I’ll be changing
Dear Changing, I appreciate how you came up with this idea, as well as your honesty in admitting it.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @asking either Facebook.)
