Not long ago, I asked women to share with me the reasons they left their marriages. Their answers were raw, honest and fascinating.
After a series of breakups within my friend group, I looked into the topic and quickly realized that there is a divorce epidemic occurring right now.
Divorce filings have increased about 13 percent since 2021, and the latest data shows that the average length of a marriage is just 12 years.
Twelve years So much for ’till death do us part’.
When I spoke to the many wives who flooded my inbox with stories about their divorces, I noticed Three common themes. The women left because…
- Their husbands dedicated more time to their work than to their marriage.
- Sex was about his pleasure, with hardly any focus on her.
- The men lacked empathy and proper communication skills.
So, like any good investigator, I wanted to hear both sides of the story. Yes, statistics show that seven out of ten divorces are initiated by women, but what about the men who decide enough is enough?
I asked my male followers on Instagram. to slide into my DMs and tell me what made them decide to end their marriages. And yes, just like with the wives, I was quite surprised by their responses…
Not long ago, I asked women to share with me the reasons they gave up their marriages. Now is the time for men who left their wives to explain themselves…
Matters, matters, as far as the eye can see.
There is a false assumption that married women don’t cheat. But believe me, they do it, and they do it a lot. Take, for example, the poor man I spoke to who revealed that he had broken up with his wife upon discovering that she was having her “third affair.”
And how did you find out? Eek. She became pregnant, but he had had a vasectomy after their third child, so the baby was not his. Fortunately the ending is happy: he is now single and, in his words, ‘the best version of myself’.
Another man told me that his wife had an affair with one of his colleagues – a story as old as time. “It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through,” he said. “We tried to get counseling, but it wasn’t worth the torment.” After filing for divorce, he jumped on the apps and “was very successful,” but ended up dating a woman for nine months who was looking for an “Instagram boyfriend.” But there is a positive side: it is now almost a year in a new relationship that is going well. “It’s still too early to call our life partner, but we are both committed.”
And then there was this story about a fan who had a plot twist I wasn’t expecting.
‘I was married for about seven years, but towards the end we slept in separate rooms. Communication was limited. We ended up breaking up and then I found out she was dating another woman. The ridiculous thing is that we got married and tried to have children because she was Catholic. His ex-wife and his new girlfriend now have a baby together. “It’s been difficult,” he said.
Controlling behavior
Countless men wrote to me telling me that they initiated divorce because they felt as if their wives had become their mothers.
Cheating women were one of the main reasons the men I spoke to left him, but others reported they were in controlling marriages that left them suffocating (file image posed by models)
An ex-husband told me: ‘I was married for 12 years and things were good at first, but my ex became very controlling and micromanaging over time. She always struggled with her mental health, but when our daughter was born four years ago, she became even more controlling. She limited where I could take our son and supervised everything he did: diaper changes, bath time, etc. In January of last year I decided it was better to move. After that, things only became more difficult. Even though she already covered the mortgage, bills, and child support, she restricted access to my daughter unless I spent extra money..
‘In August 2023, I saw a lawyer and requested that our daughter live with me full time. I knew it was a long shot, but I had nothing to lose because I didn’t have custody at the time. Me too filed for divorce.
‘Fifteen months later, the divorce is closed, at a cost of about $15,000. Our daughter lives with me full time and there is a final hearing. at the end of February. I am happy to pay any costs for our custody agreement because it is what is best for our daughter.
Another man shared: ‘My ex-wife and I got married in our early twenties, and soon after she became horribly abusive and controlling. I held on for our children until my mid-thirties, when I finally had the courage to leave. The day after I left, his entire family (and mine) said they couldn’t believe it had lasted this long. It would have been useful to know a few years earlier.
Wives disagree with ‘shine’
I’ve seen it countless times: a man reaches his mid-40s and suddenly the dad bod, wrinkles, and worn-out clothes disappear, in favor of toned muscles, Botox, and tailored suits. Some (unfairly) call it a midlife crisis; I call it a midlife glow.
But, as several men have told me, embarking on a journey of self-improvement years after marriage can be the final nail in the coffin, especially if the wife is not on board.
One husband told me he began separating last August after six years of marriage and two children. After years of the couple drinking too much, he decided to get sober, and his wife did not. She continued to drink every night and he realized that their marriage was miserable without the haze of alcohol. Realizing the only thing they had in common was alcohol, he left five weeks later..
A man filed for divorce because his wife had not initiated sexual relations in more than two years. She justified her coldness by pointing out that he had rejected her advances once (file image)
lack of sex
A man confessed that he filed for divorce because his wife had not initiated sexual relations in more than two years.
When they finally sat down to “talk” about the separation, this husband was shocked by her petty reason for being cold to him.
“You told me no once, so I never asked again.” Oh.
They got married too young
Ah yes, that old chestnut. The “we calmed down too quickly” dilemma.
A man shared a very personal story with me about how he married his first girlfriend, who he had been with since he was 15, at age 23.
He confessed: “I always remember thinking, ‘I better marry her because who else would want me?'” Anyway, long story short, she had a number of mental health issues that I wasn’t prepared to deal with, including a suicide attempt three weeks after our wedding, and I ended up resenting her for it. Now I feel guilty for having faced my own demons. I realize I was doing the best I could.
‘After three years of marriage, I became unfaithful. I was too young and not mature enough to handle what was happening in my marriage. The woman I cheated with became my second wife and mother of my daughter, who is my everything.
‘But karma slapped me when she left me after seven years of marriage. Since then, I have spent a lot of time working through my problems with a counselor. Today, I try to be a better man knowing that my relationships should be a model for what my daughter should expect when she grows up.’
Some final thoughts
With so many heartbreaking stories of marriage implosions, I turned to to podcaster Chris Williamson for his advice, from a man’s perspective, on what makes a good marriage. He has Five questions we should ask ourselves before committing:
- If someone said to you, “You look a lot like your partner,” would that be a compliment to you?
- Are you truly satisfied or just less lonely?
- Are you able to be yourself without apology or do you feel the need to appear different to please your partner?
- Are you in love with your partner right now, as a whole? Or are you just in love with their good side, their potential and the idea they have of them?
- Would you like your future or imagined child to date someone like them?
They’re pretty good, right?