The news of Liam Payne’s death has hit me, a One Direction mega fan, like a ton of bricks.
Like millions of 1D fans, I initially dismissed rumors that he had died after falling from a balcony at a Buenos Aires hotel as unverified rumors.
But they were true: the pop star fell from his hotel suite in Argentina around 5 p.m. local time on Wednesday.
I’m reeling. ‘Guys, you don’t understand what this means to me,’ I posted to a group chat of friends, feeling completely incredulous.
My friend replied: ‘I wasn’t even a director and I feel distraught.’
Distressed doesn’t even begin to cover it.
My earliest memories of One Direction are sitting around my family’s desktop computer watching their X-Factor videos on YouTube.
All the girls chose their favorite and I chose Liam, 14 years ago in 2010.
Liam (pictured at X Factor rehearsals in 2010) has always been my favorite because he was so friendly and the ‘dad’ of the group. The news of his death has hit me like a ton of bricks.
I’m shown on the far left with my sister and two family friends before a One Direction concert in 2013.
We painted red love hearts on our faces and made homemade products for our first 1D concert.
My sister and I listened to their first album Up All Night 24/7 in the car. Even our three-year-old brother, who is now 17, sang along.
My first One Direction concert was with my little sister and family friends in 2013. We flew from Sydney to Adelaide because it was the only city we could get tickets.
We dressed up, painted red love hearts on our faces, and made homemade products.
It was truly the best night of my life.
I’ve seen 1D four more times since that night and every concert was incredible.
One Direction was literally everything to me and my friends, I really can’t explain how obsessed we were.
The way we analyzed each band member’s personality, learned the lyrics to all their songs, stayed up until 1am to watch music videos, and watched every interview they did over and over again was part of a irrational teenage obsession.
I also dedicated an entire Twitter account to Liam Payne, reposting photos of him with captions like: ‘HE’S SO BEAUTIFUL.’ I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.’
I still listen to some of their albums and 1D was on my finished Spotify this year.
Sitting at my desk today, I feel like I could cry after hearing about Liam’s death.
Pictured is a photo I took of Liam during a concert in Australia in 2015 (Zayn is pictured on the left)
When 1D was in Australia, I waited outside their hotel hoping to see Liam or his other bandmates; Niall, Harry, Zayn and Louis.
When Liam and Louis went surfing at Palm Beach, on Sydney’s northern beaches, I made my mum take me there to try and meet them.
I took entire days off from school to follow his movements in Australia.
Seeing today’s news, I immediately made a group chat and messaged the girls.
We don’t talk often, but seeing Liam dead has brought us back to our teenage years and everyone is devastated.
When Zayn left One Direction, I cried on the bus to school, and sitting at my desk at work, I feel like I can cry now.
He had a Twitter account dedicated to Liam Payne where he spent hours reposting photos.
Liam has always been my favorite because he was so kind and the ‘dad’ of the group, so it’s crazy that he’s dead now.
My sister and I have talked about a possible One Direction reunion at least once a month and I’m shocked that it never happens now.
The only advantage of the news is being able to take a trip back in time and relive many happy memories of a simpler time.
Hearing the news of Liam’s death is heartbreaking. It was obvious that he was going through a difficult time and it was so devastating that it ended like this.