The ‘Greasy Chip Butty Song’ sung by Sheffield United fans before every game at Bramall Lane extols the pleasures of a night out on the town.
On Monday, as Arsenal crushed goal after goal against the hapless Blades, quite a few left early to find other ways to spend the night.
Five goals in the 39th minute – the first time an away team has been five in Premier League history – thoughts turned to what long-standing records Arsenal could break.
Their all-time record 7-0 road victory (achieved three times) seemed not only possible, but probable. Some cheekily mentioned Arsenal’s record league victory, 12-0 against Loughborough in 1900.
That didn’t happen, and the Gunners took their foot off the gas after the break to add just one more goal.
Sheffield United suffered another humiliating defeat when Arsenal thrashed them 6-0 on Monday.
Chris Wilder’s team is headed for relegation and could break several unwanted records
United fans were seen leaving Bramall Lane within the first 25 minutes after Arsenal’s strong start to their Premier League clash.
The Blades are 11 points from safety with just 11 games left to make a great escape.
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But 6-0 was humiliating enough for Sheffield United, who came even closer to what seems inevitable relegation to the Championship.
Arsenal are now the top scorers at Bramall Lane this calendar year, surpassing the five league goals scored by Aston Villa and Brighton.
In comparison, the Blades have scored four goals in five games.
In consecutive home games this year, they were beaten 5-2 by Brighton in the FA Cup fourth round, 5-0 by Aston Villa, 5-0 by Brighton in the league and then 6-0 by Arsenal.
The conversation has centered on where Chris Wilder’s team ranks among the worst performing teams in the 32 years of the Premier League and we join that discussion here.
Lowest point count
This is a dubious honor that United (or Burnley, who also currently have 13 points) will not claim.
Robbie Savage laments a missed opportunity during Derby’s terrible 2007-08 season
Derby County’s miserable return of just 11 points in the 2007-08 season looks destined to stand the test of time and infamy. The Rams’ comeback was also the lowest point total since the introduction of three points per win in 1981.
That Derby team, managed by Billy Davies until the end of November and then by Paul Jewell, managed to win just one and lose a staggering 29 of their 38 games (a record for losses in the Premier League).
Their only league victory that season came on 17 September, a 1–0 home win against Newcastle United. Kenny Miller scored from long range but the Setanta cameras didn’t see it live because they were broadcasting a replay.
No one suspected it would be Derby’s only winning goal of the campaign as they failed to win their remaining 32 games, the longest winless streak in Premier League history.
It’s small consolation, but the Blades and Burnley still have plenty of time to overcome some of the worst points results in Premier League history.
Sunderland amassed just 15 in 2005-06, Huddersfield scored 16 in 2018-19 and Aston Villa scored just 17 in 2015-16.
Derby are despondent after Liverpool’s Steven Gerrard scored against them in 2007-08.
Dejection was a familiar feeling for the Rams as they posted the lowest points return in the league.
Kenny Miller and Roy Carroll blame each other after Derby concede
Most goals conceded
Now this is one Sheffield United could end up with. After Monday night’s blowout, they have conceded 72 goals in 27 games, an average of 2.67 per game.
Project that into the remaining 11 games and they could concede 101 total.
That would far surpass the 89 conceded by Derby in 2007-08, the most leaky defense in a 38-game Premier League campaign.
That Rams team scored six goals on four separate occasions that season and lost two other games 5-0.
Sheffield United have been beaten this season 8-0 by Newcastle, 6-0 by Arsenal and 5-0 by Arsenal (again), Burnley, Brighton and Aston Villa. So it’s no surprise they’re on track to achieve the record.
It should be noted that Swindon Town in the 1993-94 season conceded 100 goals over the course of the season, but that occurred in 42 games. Ipswich also sent out 93 in 1994-95 in 42 games.
Swindon cannot stop Newcastle striker Andy Cole from scoring against them in the 1993-94 season.
Cole (right) in Manchester United colors as they thrashed hapless Ipswich 9-0 in 1995.
Fewer goals scored
This is another ignominious entry into the Premier League record books that the Blades will avoid, or at least avoid repeating.
They have already scored 22 goals this season and that surpasses the 20 goals they managed in the equally dismal 2020-21 season. The aforementioned Derby team also scored just 20 in 2007-08.
In 2002-03, Sunderland only managed to score 21 times and failed to score in 20 of their 38 matches.
Worst goal difference
This doesn’t look too promising for Wilder’s team. They have scored 22 times but conceded 72, meaning their goal difference is currently -50.
The worst goal difference of the Premier League era is (surprise, surprise) Derby in 2007-08 at -69, meaning the Blades need to be 20 goals behind in the next 11 games to overcome it.
Norwich City finished -61 in the 2021-22 campaign and Ipswich was -57 in 1994-95 in 42 games. It didn’t help the Tractor Boys that Manchester United beat them 9-0 at Old Trafford.
Huddersfield Town on course to confirm relegation at Crystal Palace in 2019
Oli McBurnie looks dejected as Sheffield United slide towards relegation in 2021
First descent
The Blades are 11 points from safety with 11 games left to play and even if Everton and Nottingham Forest suffer point deductions, they are unlikely to be saved.
The first relegation formation of a Premier League team came in March, so given that the Blades only have two games left this month, that fate will not befall them.
Derby’s 2007-08 vintage saw relegation confirmed on March 29 after a 2-2 draw with Fulham and Birmingham City’s victory over Manchester City left them 19 points from safety with just six games remaining.
In 2018-19, Huddersfield Town were relegated on 30 March after suffering a 2-0 defeat to Crystal Palace. That was also with half a dozen games left.
Ipswich in 1994-95 and the Blades themselves in 2020-21 also fell with six to play.
That will come in mid-April, so all incentives are to extend his stay of execution as long as possible to avoid another unwanted registration.