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AMANDA PLATELL: Stand up for protection of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle? That is rich!

What a shock it must have been for the Duke of Sussex to hear that his adopted host Canada would no longer pay part of the bill for the police protection of his family.

How can this be? Harry’s and Meghan’s bestie, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, had welcomed them warmly in December. And the country is a second home for Meghan; it is where she found happiness and fame in the TV series Suits.

Moreover, it is a member of the Commonwealth, for which Harry and Meghan were dedicated youth ambassadors. But they were forced to give up their roles after relinquishing their royal duties.

Welcome to the real world: the Duke of Sussex has learned that his adopted host country Canada would no longer pay part of his family's police protection bill. Level after polling in Canada has shown that nobody wants to pay taxes for the Sussex people (shown on January 7)

Welcome to the real world: the Duke of Sussex has learned that his adopted host country Canada would no longer pay part of his family’s police protection bill. Level after polling in Canada has shown that nobody wants to pay taxes for the Sussex people (shown on January 7)

Perhaps Harry does not understand that Commonwealth means exactly that – common wealth shared between people. Hardworking people who strive to pay their taxes for the common good. People who see no reason why they should turn up to protect a wealthy and heady prince and his family living in a huge £ 14 million mansion.

Whatever Justin Trudeau has promised Harry and Meghan, he is ultimately a servant of the people – and poll after poll in Canada has shown that nobody wants to pay taxes for the Sussexes.

Welcome to the real world, Harry!

Meghan Markle is pictured above and takes her two dogs out for a walk with baby Archie with Canadian guards

Meghan Markle is pictured above and takes her two dogs out for a walk with baby Archie with Canadian guards

Meghan Markle is pictured above and takes her two dogs out for a walk with baby Archie with Canadian guards

He can’t have it either way. He hurried back to Britain and insisted that he was an ordinary guy with no royal attributes – “Call me Harry” he told us at an eco-event in Edinburgh.

But normal guys don’t live in mansions, they don’t take on a completely first-class carriage to travel to London after that eco-event, like Harry did, and they certainly don’t expect to make a fortune and have police protection paid by the taxpayer.

It is clear that Harry is trying to do what he thinks is best for his family. And that is commendable. But everything he and Meghan do seems to blow up in their faces because they just don’t think.

They give us a lecture about climate change and then fly off in a private jet. They “reach” to the poor, then they fly over the Atlantic for an obscenely expensive baby shower in New York. They leave the royal family – then claim that he deserves the benefits.

Well, not at your expense, Harry. We are willing to stand up for the royals who give good value.

But Harry and Meghan have left that privilege – that is why we must refuse to board after the Canadian police step down.

Fashion magazine Glamor has the XXXL singer Lizzo on the cover, who greets her as the queen of body positivity. She loves her shape and is good for her. Lizzo is size 28 – where does she buy them? The other models in the Mag were so small that they could have fitted into one of her legs.

Beautiful: Lizzo poses in a shimmering blue dress during the Brit awards on 18 February

Beautiful: Lizzo poses in a shimmering blue dress during the Brit awards on 18 February

Beautiful: Lizzo poses in a shimmering blue dress during the Brit awards on 18 February

Asked about the greatest loves in his life, Ant McPartlin says without a doubt that they are his new partner Anne-Marie (who was the personal assistant of his ex-wife Lisa), the children of Anne-Marie, their dogs and Newcastle United. Once modest, he failed to call the true love of his life – himself.

True love is Bob’s secret

The oldest man on earth, Bob Weighton, 111, says he is only sad because it means that someone died for him to get the title.

What we all want to know is: what’s the secret, Bob?

Bob Weighton, 111, has revealed the secret to his mature age - a long and happy marriage, three children, ten grandchildren. He advises people to love each other the way they want them to be loved

Bob Weighton, 111, has revealed the secret to his mature age - a long and happy marriage, three children, ten grandchildren. He advises people to love each other the way they want them to be loved

Bob Weighton, 111, has revealed the secret to his mature age – a long and happy marriage, three children, ten grandchildren. He advises people to love each other the way they want them to be loved

A long and happy marriage, three children, ten grandchildren and 25 great-grandchildren. Still living at home, he and his widow spent their retirement years as a volunteer for marriage and helping youth groups.

Bog-standard Christians with strong faith, his advice is to love each other and your neighbors as you would love yourself.

Amen on it.

Greta, monster from the deep

In anticipation of the 20,000 Greta Thunberg mass collection in Bristol, a local artist painted a 50-meter mural of the eco-warrior on a wall. Essential for Greta’s strength is her vulnerability, a small, pale teenager who leads the battle for climate change to the tunnels.

Greta Thunberg looks like a monster on a wall in Bristol

Greta Thunberg looks like a monster on a wall in Bristol

Greta Thunberg looks like a monster on a wall in Bristol

Then why is it painted like a huge monster rising from the melted Arctic Ocean – a weird and scary cross between Boudicca and Godzilla?

It has been almost 13 years since Madeleine McCann disappeared. £ 12 million has already been spent by the police looking for her, with another £ 300,000 last year, and now the Met has asked for more. No matter how painful it may be for her parents, there must come a time when the power bound by money draws a line.

Sharapova legs it

Five-time tennis Grand Slam winner Maria Sharapova retires after falling to 373rd in the world players ranking.

But who will ever forget those long legs, more memorable on the cover of Vogue, even then when she won at Center Court in Wimbledon.

The Russian Maria Sharapova celebrates winning the French Open in 2014

The Russian Maria Sharapova celebrates winning the French Open in 2014

The Russian Maria Sharapova celebrates winning the French Open in 2014

And by the way, her perfect 47-inch from hip to heel pins were the key to her £ 251 million fortune – good for more than £ 5 million per inch.

Westminster Wars …

  • What is wrong with our PM? Only divorced and now free to marry his beautiful young girlfriend Carrie, he has a majority of 80 seats and the world at his feet. After refusing to put on his boots and visit flood victims, Boris appeared at a homeless charity in London with unkempt hair, crumpled suit, and lined face. Crikey, it was Boris who looked like he had slept rough!
Boris appeared in a homeless charity in London on 27 February with unkempt hair, crumpled suit and lined face

Boris appeared in a homeless charity in London on 27 February with unkempt hair, crumpled suit and lined face

Boris appeared in a homeless charity in London on 27 February with unkempt hair, crumpled suit and lined face

  • After destroying innocent lives by cheating the lies of fantasist Carl Beech, who falsely claimed that there was a pedophile ring in Parliament, former deputy leader Tom Watson still hopes to wrap himself in ermine in the House of Lords. Maybe Tubby Tom lost half his body weight, but he also lost his conscience.
  • At BBC Question Time, Tory Business Minister Nadhim Zahawi was repeatedly asked what the government was doing to prepare for an outbreak of coronavirus. The minister parroted about a dozen times the official line they were preparing for the ‘best, worst-case scenario’. Memo for the unfortunate Nadhim, it’s time to prepare for your own best, worst-case scenario in the next recast.

COVID 1: The British who tested negative for the corona virus, but are still quarantined in a hotel in Tenerife, spend their days sunbathing in bikinis with their face masks. That will be a great tanning to explain when they finally return to Blighty.

COVID 2: The most useful advice from an expert is that if you do not have tissue at hand, it is polite to sneeze in the elbow bend. Which means that, together with handshakes and friendly cocks on the cheek, are now also bears from bears.

In his last Bond film No Time To Die, Daniel Craig was not allowed to get behind the wheel of the iconic Aston Martin of 007, because security agents thought he could not drive at the same speed and act at the same time. They don’t have to worry. Whether it’s killing bad guys or sleeping Bond girls, Craig’s entire, slow-motion, haunted upper lip repertoire is permanently stuck in first gear.

Leave a prison card?

A judge spared Leila Le Fey from prison after threatening a store manager with a claw hammer, despite having 50 previous convictions.

Leila Le Fey (photo) was spared prison, despite 50 previous convictions, because she threatened a store manager with a claw hammer

Leila Le Fey (photo) was spared prison, despite 50 previous convictions, because she threatened a store manager with a claw hammer

Leila Le Fey (photo) was spared prison, despite 50 previous convictions, because she threatened a store manager with a claw hammer

The reasons for leniency were that Le Fey is a trans woman with no documents to prove her sex change and would therefore be sent to a prison for men only.

Although we rightly embrace diversity, no man or woman, regardless of their chosen gender, should be placed above the law.

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