If you’re good at planning, it can lead to a more peaceful death, according to one expert.
Los Angeles-based Julie McFadden, known on social media as palliative care nurse Julie, regularly posts videos about death and what happens at the end of someone’s life.
In a recent clip, she shared what you can do to have a peaceful death, and she says it all comes down to preparation and acceptance.
“It’s one of the most important things I see,” he explained. “People who plan their death tend to have a more peaceful death than those who don’t.”
“A prepared death versus an unprepared death: that’s what I’ve seen in all my patients,” he explained.
Julie McFadden, a palliative care nurse in Los Angeles, says that if you’re good at planning, it can lead to a more peaceful death.
Julie said she noticed that patients who were “willing to talk about the difficult things” had a more peaceful death.
“(That means) being willing to ask questions like, ‘How much time do you think I have left? What can I expect? What should I do before I die to make this easier for my family?'” she listed.
In her experience as a palliative care nurse, people who ask these questions have better lives and a more peaceful ending.
Julie shared a story of when a patient of hers died peacefully surrounded by his family.
She explained that the patient was in palliative care and that her condition had begun to deteriorate about 20 minutes after her arrival.
“She started having strange changes in her breathing, so it was a sudden deterioration and it looked like she was going to die suddenly,” he recalled, adding that the abrupt change was “actually uncommon” in palliative care.
“What I noticed was that because this family – and he – were so prepared, instead of the family being chaotic and reacting emotionally – which is very normal – they adapted to him,” she explained.
“They lay down on the bed with him. They immediately understood what was happening. They didn’t panic,” she said.
From her experience as a palliative care nurse, when the difficult questions about dying are asked, people have better lives and more peaceful deaths, end of story.
Julie said it was important for people to remember that death doesn’t have to be chaotic, but it does involve having some awkward conversations with loved ones.
Julie said the man was surrounded by his loving family and it was an incredibly emotional experience.
“It makes me cry every time I think about it – that sight of all of them being able to understand what was happening, even if it was a change they didn’t want,” she explained.
Julie noted that the experience could have been “very different” if the family had not been prepared for it.
“Because it was so soon, so fast and so sudden, but because they were willing, they were able and they were ready, it was this beautiful moment of love,” she explained.
“At the end of that visit he died, so he went from looking fine to dying, which is hard, but that family made it a beautiful moment,” she said.
Julie explained that it was important for people to remember that death doesn’t have to be chaotic, but it does involve having some awkward conversations with friends and family.
“Talk to your loved ones,” she urged. “Have everyone talk to each other about what they want at the end of life, specifically, do you want to be at home? Do you want extensive treatment? What happens if you have a cardiac arrest?”
“I mean very, very detailed stuff and that’s going to change depending on how old you are, but at least have a general understanding of what you want now,” she suggested.
Julie said having these conversations will help families when a loved one passes away.
“You really need to be clear with your family and friends what you really want so they know,” she said.
She also suggested writing an obituary or telling people what they want it to include and even detailing what the person wants their funeral to be like so the family doesn’t have to “guess.”
From a medical standpoint, Julie said the importance of maintaining a strict medication routine should not be underestimated as it will help manage symptoms.
The nurse ended her gripping video by encouraging everyone to talk to their loved ones and think about planning for their death (file image)
“If symptoms are not controlled, you should call your hospice company so they can help you,” she suggested, adding that changing hospice providers is not a good fit for the person’s needs.
Although it can be difficult to accept, Julie revealed that she sees a big difference in those who have embraced change and who allow the people around them to help them and make peace with “living in the grey.”
“People who are able to accept change voluntarily, and are able to do so always, always, always live better and die better,” he explained.
She shared a cautionary tale about people who are more resistant to change.
“There are always patients who are not willing to accept help, who are not willing to accept that they have physical limitations, who always have problems, they fall, they hurt themselves, they end up having to leave their home,” he told viewers bluntly. “It becomes a mess.”
The nurse shared advice for people battling a terminal illness or for the loved ones of someone in that position.
“If you’re not yet on palliative care but you have some kind of illness that you’re receiving treatment for, listen to your body,” she urged.
“If you are a loved one of someone who has this, let them listen to their body,” she advised.
“If they tell you they don’t want to eat, don’t force them to eat. If they tell you they want to sleep, let them sleep.
“As long as they’re clean, that’s all I’m saying, as long as they’re clean they can do whatever they want, so if they want to sleep, let them sleep, don’t force them to do anything. Let them listen to their body,” Julie said.
The nurse ended her gripping video by encouraging everyone to talk to their loved ones and think about planning for their death.
“We plan everything, but we never talk about our plan for the only thing that is going to happen to all of us, which is dying,” he says.
“We don’t plan it, we don’t talk about it, we don’t act like it’s happening. We live in a world where we think, ‘This is never going to happen to any of us,’ and when it does, we’re shocked,” she continued.
“So let’s not do that anymore… This is your call to action to start thinking about it,” he concluded.