A mother has admitted she doesn’t want to see her children every day, but says that doesn’t make her a “bad mother.”
Lucy Parker, 35, from Maidenhead, Berkshire, said she was “detained to death” before splitting custody of her daughters (six and four) equally with her ex-husband, 35.
The mother of two admitted she believes not seeing her children every day has made her a better mother and she now has more time to “fill” her “cup” by socialising, hanging out with friends and travelling.
Lucy, a freelance content creator and social media marketer, said not having to care for her children 24/7 also allows her more time to focus on work and other aspects of her life.
Taking a break from constantly caring for your children means you have “more energy” to be present when they are around you.
Lucy Parker, 35 (pictured), from Maidenhead, Berkshire, said she was “devastated” before splitting custody of her daughters (six and four) equally with her ex-husband, 35.
When she shared her thoughts online, commenters said it “broke their hearts” and asked her “why did you have kids then?” – but Lucy doesn’t want other parents to feel “shamed” for wanting a break.
Lucy, who now lives in Perth, Australia, said: “It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids just because you don’t want to see them every day,” adding that the feeling between her children is mutual.
“My children don’t want to see me every day,” he explained.
‘I don’t think that makes me a bad mother – not wanting to be with my children 24/7.
‘The last six years I’ve felt like I haven’t been fully present as a mother or a businesswoman.
“It has become vital for both of us to be able to have that break.”
Lucy was always career-oriented and didn’t want to “give up” her job to have children.
She said her ex-partner was always very supportive, but Lucy put pressure on herself for being the main breadwinner.
Because her job was flexible, she often had to juggle work and childcare.
Lucy said: “We couldn’t catch a break. I lost money by going back to a corporate job and leaving the children in foster care.
“I have the skills to work from home and take care of the kids. It was a blessing, but it also left me broke.”
Lucy, who now lives in Perth, Australia, said: “It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids because you don’t want to see them every day,” adding that the feeling between her children is mutual.
Lucy wants parents to know that it’s normal to feel like they need some time away from their children. She said: “It’s OK to ask for a break. It’s OK to not want to be around your kids 24/7.”
Lucy put pressure on herself to earn £20,000 in three months to move her family back to Australia, after years of moving back and forth between the UK.
She said: “I had to work every day possible. I didn’t ask for enough help.”
When the couple grew apart and decided to separate in October 2023, Lucy was relieved at the thought of co-parenting.
She said: ‘We said we would split the attention 50/50. As soon as that happened I was like, ‘Oh my God, I’m going to take a break.’
Lucy currently looks after the children 60 per cent of the time, but her ex-husband will take over extra days when the youngest starts school next year.
When her ex moved away in April 2024, she started having days off, not seeing the kids.
Lucy said: “I used that week just to cry. All I did was face that healing head on.
“It was really ugly, no doubt, but the kids didn’t see me cry. I really had to figure out who I was now. I don’t know what I like to do. I went out and tried all these hobbies.
“I just want to travel. I want to sit quietly on a beach,” she confessed.
Lucy can now use that time to catch up on work, explore hobbies, and get back out on the dating scene.
Lucy said: ‘That week I don’t have them all, I can catch up and get on with it. Now that I’ve separated, I’ve started dating someone, I can do it when my kids aren’t around. That’s my time to do what I want to do.
“My dream was always to travel and I had put it off. Now I can do it, but every two weeks.
“I’m filling my cup. I can come home and say, ‘Look what Mom did this week, I have energy.'”
Lucy said she is honest with her children about wanting them to be separated from her.
She explained: ‘They know that mommy doesn’t want to have them every day because she wants daddy to have them.
“His father offers different things. How can I deny him equal access to the children? What he offers is just as important.”
Lucy said she misses her children when they are with their father, but does not call them when they are there because it would be “disruptive” and “upsetting” for them.
She said: ‘The children get this beautiful mix of both parents who have spent the week filling their cup.
Lucy has faced significant backlash since posting the divisive video online. However, some have found solace in her videos, with one writing that he has never felt more “validated.”
‘We joke that people should get married, have children and get divorced.
“Now my children will have two happy homes.”
But Lucy has faced backlash online for her honesty.
She said: ‘The most common question was ‘why did you have kids then?’ which is just a silly question. And I hope your kids never see that video.’
But Lucy wants parents to know that it’s normal to feel like they need some time away from their children. She said: “It’s OK to ask for a break. It’s OK to not want to be around your kids 24/7.
“If it’s damaging your health or your mental health, try to do something that will help you. If you’re not at your best, that impacts on the children. That’s when they suffer.”
