An exasperated man has sparked fierce debate after revealing he cut his 18-year-old son out of his will – because he just discovered he was not the biological father.
The anonymous man, from the US, took to the notorious Reddit thread Am I The A**hole to candidly share details of the family feud.
He explained that he had been raising a son for 18 years, but his mother-in-law recently told him that his wife had had an affair with her high school boyfriend during conception.
The man said he was now divorcing his cheating wife and would cut off the son he had helped raise for nearly two decades, but readers were left bitterly divided in the comments.
The anonymous man, from the US, took to the famous Reddit thread Am I The A**hole to candidly share details of the family feud.
The post, which was shared earlier this week, was titled: ‘Am I the asshole for cutting my wife’s child out of my will because I found out he’s not mine?’
It said: ‘I have been married for 15 years to my wife and our son is 18. I think I was a good father to him, always present, always supporting him, I was the first one he talked to when he had a bullying problem, a math problem, when he needed romantic advice.
“He’s straight but he likes to cross-dress and put on makeup, and I was the first to support him in that too, while his mom was trying to make him more “masculine.”
“However, I recently discovered that he is not actually my son.”
The man continued: ‘My mother-in-law said she had to tell me something important, so I went to see her and she told me that my son is actually my wife’s high school boyfriend.
‘She gave birth at 20 but apparently she was cheating on me with her old boyfriend.
“My mother-in-law said my wife told her the truth after he was born because she suspected the baby didn’t look exactly like me and her mother-in-law confronted her, but the baby was already born and nothing could be done.
‘I got angry and asked him why he is telling me this, right? She told me it’s because she saw my son hanging out with his biological father in a park and she believes he’s back in his life.
He explained that he had been raising a son for 18 years, but his mother-in-law recently told him that his wife had had an affair with her high school boyfriend during conception (file image).
He explained: ‘I decided not to shoot the messenger and went out to confront my wife and son about this, after a long discussion they told me the truth. The biodad had returned and he wanted to meet his real son.
“A lot of things happened and I’m getting divorced, and also cutting my wife’s son out of my will, because I never had a real son and this whole time I was putting all my energy and effort into raising another man’s son.” . I am also looking into whether it is possible to sue the biological father for all the money I have spent raising his biological child over the years.
‘My wife is obviously angry with me, but my (son?) is devastated, I can see him depressed, not talking to me and constantly apologizing. My plan was to get a divorce and cut off contact with them immediately after that, but now I’m wondering if I’m going too far by punishing him too.
Elaborating on two further edits, after an initial wave of comments, the man wrote: ‘The boy knew about his biological father for about four months before I found out.
‘And yes, we did a DNA test on him, he was very insistent and after it came back negative was when I think his depression really hit. Okay, maybe it’s pointless to sue the biological father, but I’ll ask a lawyer anyway.
‘Many people are comparing my situation to that of being a stepfather or adoption. There is a difference, for over 18 years I thought he was my real son.
‘I 100% believe that adoptive parents are real parents and their adopted children are their real children, but they voluntarily entered into the adoption process, they know that their family is not a blood family. I was deceived in my situation.
‘If I had met my wife after the baby was born I wouldn’t have cared because I knew it was someone else’s child, but I thought it was my real child and now I find out it’s not. Anyway, I need to talk to him whenever he feels like it.
Unsurprisingly, the post was soon inundated with comments from readers weighing in on both sides of the debate.
On the one hand, there were those who argued that the husband was not necessarily wrong
On the one hand, there were those who argued that the husband was not necessarily wrong.
One person wrote: ‘I hope they sue them all for paternity fraud, parental alienation and get the marriage annulled because I assume they got married (over) the then baby.’
“And I usually tell him to cut the kid some slack, but he’s known for months that if he had even an inkling of love and/or respect for you, he would have told you himself.”
Another said: ‘NTA will divorce her.’ She sucks, but treating your son like he hasn’t been your son for the last 18 years? What the fuck?
‘He did not choose you, any more than you chose him. He clearly loves you and sees you as his father. Imagine yourself in their place.
Someone else commented: ‘His son just discovered his whole life is a lie and the man he thought was his father no longer loves him. Can you honestly say you don’t love him anymore?
‘After all the diapers, the sick days, the sports games, the school assemblies, the TV breaks, the girl problems and all the other little things you did and showed up for the last 18 years.
‘Was literally the only reason you loved him was because you thought you shared blood?’ You should have a conversation with him.
‘Probably more than one and figure out what your relationship may be in the future, if you can have one.’
“You are NTA because of your feelings, but you must be careful with your actions, as they can easily turn you into one.”
But, on the other hand, many accused him of going too far with his reaction.
But, on the other hand, many accused him of going too far with his reaction.
One person wrote: ‘Why punish the child? He didn’t choose to be a cheating baby. It seems like, for the most part, he saw you as a dad and you saw him as a son.
‘Your wife is irredeemable trash. Divorce her and tell everyone why – show the DNA test results.
‘She should suffer, not ‘your’ son. I hate your wife, but I hate YTA for punishing an innocent child.
Another commented: ‘You’re an idiot for cutting ties with the person you loved and raised as your son for 18 years. It’s not his fault that his mother cheated on him.
‘It’s not your fault that the biological father is asking to come into your life. He is still a child, he is 18 years old, while you are an adult.
“He’s probably also going through a lot of confusing emotions after finding out about this, and now being abandoned by the father who raised him; that’s a worse betrayal than not telling you right away when he found out.
‘His mother probably pressured him to keep it a secret, and he didn’t know what to do/was afraid of how you’d react, and apparently for good reason if you’re willing to let him be your son like it’s nothing. .
“YTA for punishing the innocent child you raised as a son for 18 years,” a third shared.
“I don’t blame you for being upset, or for divorcing your wife for lying to you, but that boy, who is your son in every way but biology, did nothing to deserve your wrath.”