A few weeks after giving birth to my son, I became suicidal: my first signs of post-baby crisis

Like any new mother, the feeling of her firstborn being placed on Lisa Abramson’s chest after giving birth was a moment of pure happiness.

‘I had never felt better and was happy to have extra energy. I was so happy when I left hospital, I even attended my morning spin class at 6am a few days after giving birth.’

Little did I know, however, that this burst of manic energy was one of the first warning signs of a rare mental breakdown that occurs in new moms, known as postpartum psychosis.

Within a month, her feeling of love for her daughter Lucy quickly turned to anxiety, then paranoia, and finally suicidal thoughts.

“I went temporarily crazy,” the now 41-year-old tells DailyMail.com. At one point, her paranoia reached its peak and she believed that she was being spied on in her home and that snipers were coming to look for her for a crime she had not committed.

As her mental state deteriorated, the typical smiling blonde contemplated jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge because she believed her family would be better off without her.

Thanks to the quick action of her friends and family, Ms. Abramson was diagnosed with severe postpartum psychosis and spent 10 days in a psychiatric ward.

After a combination of medications helped stabilize her, the Tennessee-based mother was reunited with her family, who helped her continue the rehabilitation process.

Detailing how her postpartum psychosis developed, Mrs Abramson said: “After the birth of my first daughter, Lucy, I immediately fell in love with her and became very protective that she received the best possible care.

‘But within weeks I had reached breaking point. Having a baby temporarily drove me crazy.

‘When I had trouble breastfeeding and my baby wasn’t gaining weight fast enough, I worried and felt guilty about not being able to support her.

‘Our pediatrician recommended that I breastfeed and then express the remaining milk and bottle feed the baby every two hours.

‘I once felt like this extra energy was draining quickly and I started having trouble sleeping at night, even when my husband was helping with the night shifts.

‘As I got more and more tired, my mood plummeted. I felt an overwhelming sense that I was failing as a mother and the guilt of not being perfect weighed heavily on me.’

Action on Postpartum Psychosis, a UK-based maternal mental health charity, says new mums with the condition may start to feel “very energetic and ‘super mum-like’ or agitated and restless”.

These highs are followed by extreme lows, with frequent crying, fatigue, guilt, and anxiety added to the mix.

Unfortunately, very little is known about the causes of postpartum psychosis. There are likely many factors that trigger an episode, including lack of sleep, major hormonal changes that occur after birth, stress, and, in some cases, previous mental health problems.

Ms Abramson did not have any mental health problems before and it was an isolated incident for her.

Describing how his mental state slowly skyrocketed, he told DailyMail.com: ‘In trying to maintain this aggressive eating schedule, I began to get more and more stressed and tired, and with this, I also became confused.

‘As I became more sleep deprived, I drifted in and out of a dream state and began to become paranoid and scared.

“In the end, this feeling of having lost my mind terrified me so much that I asked my husband and mother, who were staying with us, if I should jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.”

One night, he was so delirious that he became convinced there were spy cameras outside the window of his house and snipers on the roof.

She recalled: “I thought youwhat was the police coming to look for me for a crime of which I was unjustly accused.

‘I thought that at any moment, they would be I’ll come and pierce my front door and take me away. In other words, he had lost his mind.

In the throes of postpartum psychosis in 2014, Ms. Abramson said this question seemed “very rational” to her loved ones and that killing herself “felt like the only escape from this terrifying confusion and paranoia.”

Thanks to quick hospital treatment and medication, the new mother was able to make a full recovery.

She said that although she contemplated taking her own life, she never thought about killing her baby, which is what happens to some new mothers while experiencing a manic episode.

Action on Postpartum Psychosis notes that a common symptom of postpartum psychosis is that moms feel like their baby is “connected to God or the devil in some way.”

In addition to medication, Ms Abramson said a combination of sleep, family support, meditation, acupuncture and weekly cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) sessions were “crucial” in her recovery.

While postpartum psychosis was a harrowing experience, the business leadership consultant says it didn’t deter her from having another child.

Fortunately, she did not experience the condition, not even mild symptoms, with the birth of her second daughter three years later in 2017.

For other new moms experiencing postpartum depression or psychosis, Ms. Abramson offers some advice.

And she concludes: ‘New mothers need to know that they are not alone and that everything will get better.

‘Postpartum psychosis is a medical emergency, but it is also a treatable and temporary illness.

‘Unfortunately, there is still some shame and stigma around receiving mental health support, so this prevents mums from speaking up when symptoms arise.

‘I think there are five important things that moms going through this should remember; One, it’s not your fault.

‘Two, you are not alone. Three, there is nothing to be ashamed or ashamed of.

‘Fourth, this doesn’t make you a bad mother and it has nothing to do with how much you love your child.

‘And fifth, you will get better, just make sure you get help right away.’

Mrs. Abramson’s book, Permission to Fail: The Overachiever’s Guide to Becoming UnstoppableShare more details on how to overcome postpartum psychosis