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A ‘pleasure coach’ who has helped hundreds of couples have better sex now reveals her best tips for increasing passion in the bedroom and beyond.
Kate Shelor, naturally curious in her youth, admits that she dated a lot of men to try to figure out how to enjoy sex more.
The Las Vegas native noticed that she was focusing more on her partner’s pleasure than her own, but she was worried about hurting his feelings if she spoke up, a mentality she realized many women were struggling with.
So, for the past two decades, the now 41-year-old woman has set out to change this narrative and help others by becoming a pleasure coach.
A ‘pleasure coach’ has revealed how she has helped hundreds of couples have better sex
Kate Shelor, naturally curious in her youth, admits that she dated a lot of men to try to figure out how to enjoy sex more.
Over the past two decades, the 41-year-old has made it her mission to help others by becoming a pleasure coach.
She shared: ‘When I was in my twenties, I had fun in bed, but I didn’t necessarily have orgasms.
‘I wasn’t necessarily nervous about sex, as much as I started to believe that orgasms just weren’t in the cards for me.
“They were so difficult to achieve with a partner that I almost gave up.”
It wasn’t until Kate, a certified hypnotherapist, began learning about hypnosis and the subconscious mind, and how she could apply this to her sex life, that everything changed.
She said: ‘For the first time, I had a real tool for change. Hypnotherapy was something I could really use.
“After experiencing breakthroughs in how I felt about my sexuality, I started talking about it on social media.”
Soon, followers and fans began messaging Kate for advice and talking about their own sexual problems.
Kate explained: ‘I took a step back and looked at hypnotherapy and therapy in general and realized there were few people talking about sex.
And sex is an emotional and highly subconscious experience!
‘So I decided this was what I was going to focus on in my practice. From there, things really took off.”
He has now helped over 670 couples and singles through coaching and hypnotherapy.
Kate shared: ‘A couple recently told me that after one of my sessions, they had the best sex they had had in 30 years!
‘When it comes to therapy, I believe confrontation is a key element in helping people find resolution within themselves.
‘You can’t be afraid to ask difficult questions. I think an important element of helping people is simply being willing to talk openly about sex.
‘When I got on social media and started talking to people about sex and the subconscious mind, people started flooding my DMs with questions.
‘It was really deep. I realized how many people struggle with shame, fear and anxiety about sex, and how few places there are to have those conversations.’
To help more people, the pleasure coach has shared five of her top tips for anyone looking to improve their sex life.
It wasn’t until Kate, a certified hypnotherapist, began learning about hypnosis and the subconscious mind, and applying it to her sex life, that everything changed.
She shared, “After experiencing breakthroughs in how I felt about my sexuality, I started talking about it on social media.”
Be curious
She said, “Just because your last partner liked to be pumped like a machine gun doesn’t mean that move will please all partners.”
“Good sex is about discovery, and everyone and (their) subconscious is different.”
Pay attention to more than just the genitals
There are so many ways to feel pleasure.
Kate said: ‘Spend more time exploring your partner’s entire body.
‘Your skin, ears, nipples, thighs, as John Mayer sang: “Your body is a wonderland.”
Get out of your head
She said: ‘If you’re in your own head, breathe deeply and refocus on your senses.
‘What is the temperature in the room, what do you see, what can you taste, smell, hear?
‘How do the sheets feel on your skin?
“When your mind wanders or begins to focus too much on the pressure you feel to maintain an erection or have an orgasm, use this process to return to your body and tune back into the moment.”
Act as an optometrist
Kate said: ‘When you want to know what your partner likes, it can be difficult to communicate.
‘And asking a simple “yes or no” question can make your partner say “yes” when they really mean “no,” or just trigger you.
‘So instead, do what your optometrist does (during an eye exam and ask), ‘Do you like it better this way?’ Or this way? What about now?’
take your time
She explained: ‘It takes women an average of 15 to 45 minutes to be completely ready for penetration.
‘Moving into penetration too quickly can lead to painful intercourse and means the “giver” has to work much harder to help her reach orgasm.
‘Many men say they struggle to last long enough in bed, only to find that they spend minimal time on foreplay and therefore have to pump for a long time!
“Instead, focus more on foreplay and you’ll both be more likely to hit the jackpot.”
Now, he has helped over 670 couples and singles through coaching and hypnotherapy.
For Kate, it’s all about your conscience.
She shared: ‘You can’t change something on one level of consciousness when it was created on another level of consciousness.
‘What that means is that to generate change, you have to work with the emotional mind.
‘Willpower, positive thinking and conscious processing have minimal effects or require a lot of time.
‘Hypnotherapy bypasses the conscious, analytical mind and goes directly to the emotional mind and memory store.
“We need to be able to access those deeper emotions and memories to create resolutions.”