For the life of me, I can’t understand why so many couples refuse to have sex every Valentine’s Day.
It’s not rocket science: make your partner feel special and they’ll want to get naked with you.
When a day is literally dedicated to that, why not take advantage of it? Craziness.
Every time I hear, ‘Oh, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, we think it’s a scam,’ I think, ‘WHAT?’ You are missing the point. Valentine’s Day = sex.’
I love Valentine’s Day. Should not. I mean, I haven’t had a Valentine’s date in years. In fact, you should despise him and boo and hiss at every happy couple who passes by holding hands. But not me. I love it.
‘Every time I hear, ‘Oh, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, we think it’s a scam,’ I think, ‘WHAT?’ You are missing the point. Valentine’s Day = sex”, writes Jana
I love seeing the bouquets delivered to work. I love watching the girls’ faces light up when they are led to their desks. I love seeing them wandering around the office ‘looking for a vase’, which is really just an excuse to show off their flower collection.
I really love seeing alpha boys shyly walk down the street with a big bouquet of flowers clearly on their way home to play the role of “perfect companion.”
I love passing restaurants full of smiling, sentimental couples. The day is like a cheesy Netflix movie and I, for one, am here to see it.
So why do so many of you look down on him?
Is it because the idea makes you embarrassed? Well, fear not, because I’ve come up with nine rules that will take the ‘eww’ out of Valentine’s Day and have you naked in no time.
‘I love passing by restaurants full of sentimental and smiling couples. The day is like a cheesy Netflix movie and I, for one, am here to watch it,” says Jana.
1. You won’t be the last libido-killing bogan ranting on and on about how Valentine’s Day is a ‘money-making badge’.
It makes you look cheap and like a negative killjoy. You know, one of those glass-half-empty guys who takes the fun out of everything. Lean into the day and let yourself be carried away by the romance. If only for the nudie rudie reward at the end.
2. You will think outside the box to have a perfect date night.
Let’s be honest for a second, the cost of living is real right now, so don’t worry about booking an expensive restaurant. Stop by your local takeout, order your favorite food, then visit your local liquor store and purchase your favorite bottle of wine. Get a rug and voila, you’ll have a romantic picnic for under $100. Heck, $50 if you like a cheap and cheerful bottle of sparkles. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to cost you an arm and a leg. It’s about thought and attention.
Nothing kills the sexual appetite more than a whiff of stinky breath.
3. You should leave your phone at home, or at least in your pocket or bag.
Nothing says I truly enjoy your presence like your undivided attention. During a full meal, leave your phone out of arm’s reach and plug it back in. Maybe you will find that spark that you have been missing for quite some time. Instagram can wait, your partner can’t.
4. You will send flowers to the office, NOT home.
Make a big effort with your partner and let him show off that beautiful bouquet of flowers in front of his co-workers. She makes you look like a knight in shining armor and she shines with the envy of the office.
5. You will need to communicate with their single friends.
It may be an anomaly when it comes to V-Day. I like to see happy couples, but many singles find this day difficult. It can highlight that loneliness you’ve been trying to avoid. So control your friends. Send them a cute “Galentine’s Day” meme, or if you’re single, why not round up your mates and spend the night together watching horror movies and eating all the carbs? This day does not have to be reserved only for loved ones.
Let’s be honest for a second, the cost of living is real right now, so don’t worry about booking an expensive restaurant. Visit your local takeout, order your favorite food, then visit your local liquor store and purchase your favorite bottle of wine.
6. You will not contact an ex
There is no denying that this day will highlight the current state of your relationship. If you are single you will feel EXTRA single. Don’t let that be an excuse to reach out to that toxic ex you kicked to the curb. Gather your friends, delete Instagram from your phone for a day, even delete its number for 24 hours to resist the temptation. You don’t want to wake up the next day regretting it. Oh, so many regrets.
7. You will put effort into your appearance.
This is not a day for gym clothes, shorts or torn underwear. Oh no. This is the day you pull out that cute lace outfit or sexy boxers. Spray on a fragrance, brush your teeth (bonus points for flossing), and put on an outfit that makes you feel va-va-voom. The goal of the game is to want to tear off your clothes at the end. So why not remind them why they fell in love with you in the first place? Your cheeky appearance.
8. You will avoid garlic
Nothing kills the sexual appetite more than a whiff of stinky breath. I’m sure all pasta dishes are better if you wipe them with a little garlic bread, but for one night don’t do it. In the name of sex, people!
9. You will cover your penis
Valentine’s Day lasts one day, not 18 years for a lifetime! Don’t get carried away with romance to the point of forgetting about contraception. No ‘crazy daisies’ allowed.
Now forward and day, in the name of Cupid! If only for the extra bonus at the end. Wink, wink.