To solve this problem, several startups have launched niche dating apps (some baffling, others completely predictable) designed to meet unique needs, many of them based on the promise of AI. Fly, created by a former Snap product manager, uses a chatbot to message back and forth to potential daters on your behalf. There are also Rizz, Irisand Exhilaratedall of which leverage AI to find your soulmate by helping users navigate first impressions and awkward conversations. For singles interested in other, shall we say, edgy forms of companionship that remove humans from the equation entirely, there are apps like AI EVA and moonwhich acts as your AI girlfriend.
It’s still too early to say how effective any of these AI-powered apps are at reducing the chance of people being ghosted, but a recent report from Hopelab found that 40 percent of young people rely on chatbots for ongoing conversations. The future of dating, the report concluded, promises to be chattier and stranger than ever.
Still, swiping right exhaustion remains a major concern among singles of all demographics. In the dating jungle, app fatigue is contagious. No one knows this better than JB, the New York power dater I spoke to in September. At that point, she had been on 200 dates post-breakup (mostly from Hinge and Raya) and expressed a feeling of exhaustion, even as she couldn’t completely step away from the addictive thrill of app dating.
I heard from JB in December. He reached out to let me know that he had somehow forgotten to share the “craziest” dating story from our initial series of conversations. “I can’t believe I thought about this recently,” he texted. “A girl on our third date saying, ‘If you fuck me really good tonight, I’ll cancel my other dates this week.’”
Did she do it? I responded.
“I was angry. “I’m almost done with the appointment,” he said. “She was winning until she hit me with that toxic shit.”
JB told me he’s still burned out on apps, but he still uses them. The week we spoke, another breakup just ended. A recent courtship in Philadelphia, he said, failed after the woman lied about talking to other people. She made the first move with Raya and then they set up more bond trading DMs on Instagram. She had chased after him, which was rare and a refreshing change of pace. “I was in love,” he says. Which made everything even more difficult when the relationship ended. “She sought me out just to lie about it?”
JB is currently in recovery, or what he describes to me as a period of “side missions”: taking care of his neighbor’s cat, browsing TikTok, trying new restaurants. “I was very depressed but we backed off,” he told me. He wonders if dating apps will ever have a solution for singles like him. “It’s really rotten out here.”