After Eliot and I broke up, my heart hurt. I wasn’t ready to use dating apps to meet someone else. In fact, I couldn’t imagine sleeping with anyone ever again.
But my sex drive was at an all-time high, as I had just left a relationship where I was having the best sex of my life. The answer was that, for now, he would have to act alone.
Before I have always been sneaky and a little embarrassing when I masturbate; At my girls’ boarding school it was never mentioned.
During my 16 years of marriage, my husband Simon and I also did not share what we might be doing in the privacy of the bath or shower. After the kids were born, our sex life slowed down and I thought I should save any additional orgasms for my time with him.
I felt that what I took pleasure in was admitting that I didn’t find Simon attractive enough. Flawed logic in retrospect, because everyone needs to do that from time to time, and of course more orgasms lead to greater sexual desire.
Today, however, my sneaky ‘thumb twirling’ sessions have been rebranded as ‘sexual wellness’. I’m happy about this, because since I’m already committed to yoga, vitamins, and lots of fiber, masturbation is another string to add to my bow.
My sex drive was at an all-time high, having left a relationship where I was having the best sex of my life. For now, I would have to act alone, writes Annabel Bond (Photograph of the model)
In that spirit, I want to stop simply using my own hand, which is what I’ve done 95 percent of my life. I already have the basic little bullet vibrator that could double as a lipstick, but I don’t really get the point: it’s so small and vibrating. I also don’t understand the appeal of the huge rubber penis that my friends and I used to laugh at in sex shops.
An informal survey of three other mothers at the school confirms that there is another vibrator flooding our algorithms: the toy graphically called Clitoral Suction. No more trying to get a guy to go there, no more giving irritable instructions.
Self-proclaimed “UK’s leading sexual wellness brand”, Lovehoney, has plenty of suction toys at all price points. The reviews were slightly scary; some women mentioned having to change sheets late at night, others talked about the high intensity of suction. But I was determined to try. At 49 years old, I am in the last stages of perimenopause and I have noticed that my orgasms decrease in intensity. Surely this would help?
Letting go of the familiar feeling of guilt (I should be cleaning the kitchen) and shame (thanks to my mother, for whom sex is a very dirty word) and remembering my wellness mantra, I lay back on my bed in the middle of a day. school. , so I was sure they wouldn’t bother me.
The vibrator was an egg shaped wand and on the top was a white bump with a hole in it. The box contained a handy little diagram to show me where to place it. I cautiously pressed the + sign.
The first touch was quite surprising. I thought the experience might resemble oral sex in some ways, but the sound and feel actually reminded me of the put-putter on my dad’s old motorboat: quite a bit of vibration, not as much suction, which was unpleasant. first of all.
But after a few different angles and pressures of the + and – signs, heat began to spread throughout the general area, which initially felt more like blood flow than sensuality. And when I added a little whimsy to the mix, I started to get going.
Considering what I was doing, I found the experience quite healthy. The entire groin area was now filled with blood, a good thing for menopause. A little like those belts gyms had for cellulite, only for the front of your butt, not your back.
After ten minutes of thinking I wasn’t having much fun, suddenly I was. And very quickly after that, I had a sudden and extremely intense orgasm, which blossomed and faded into the afternoon. It was surprising, but fun. And it’s good to know that I wasn’t completely dependent on 28-year-old Eliot for sex, even if my heart still hurt.
After Emi came home from school, I was worried she would go to my drawers and find my new toy. I think I could still get away with telling you it was an obscure styling tool. However, it felt good to have taken more control of my orgasms. If only I could teach my heart the same lesson.
- Annabel Bond is a pseudonym. All names have been changed.