Dear Jana,
For more than a year my partner has not been able to maintain an erection. It really affected our sex life and I thought it was because he didn’t find me attractive enough, which when asked he barely denied.
Last week I was rummaging through his bed drawer to find our spare phone charger. I found some pills I had never seen before so I googled them and they turned out to be male pattern hair loss pills. During my Google search, many articles appeared warning about the link between medications and erectile dysfunction. Judging by the almost empty bottle, he has been taking them for quite some time and led me to believe that our problems in the bedroom were due to me and not his rapid hair loss. I’m so angry!
How can I broach the subject with him without making it seem like I’m snooping through his drawers? It’s been a huge relief, but I’m struggling to get over the deception.
Aid!
Anonymous
Oh anonymous,
This will be the simplest answer I have ever given and I can sum it up in one word… divorce. Yes, divorce that man. How dare he make you feel unattractive just because he’s vain with his damn chrome dome?
Jana Hocking gives her signature sassy advice to three Australians who need help with their love lives… or lack thereof.
Women already have to deal with menstruation, pregnancy, and perimenopause, and now this man wants to add “unattractive” to the pile of shit we’re already dealing with.
No. At the very least he deserves a good metaphorical beating. (It’s not real, we never condone violence against people!) And I wouldn’t give a damn if he arched over when you went through his drawers, threw the damn packet of pills in his direction, and screamed ‘WTF?’.
Of course, we are all vain for something. I mean, I have a five-fingered forehead that could point out aliens in outer space if they put radar on my head, but do you see me denying men because I feel insecure about it? No. I’ll just move on.
This man who allows you to feel insecure because of his insecurity is infuriating and deserves a good conversation. So say ‘not today, Satan!’ and make it clear to him that it’s not okay for him to project his insecurities onto you. Final point.
Dear Jana,
I’ve been chatting with a married guy on LinkedIn after meeting him on a cruise with my kids. I am a new single mother and I saved up to take my son on this trip. While on board, we connected with another family and our kids became friends, so we ended up having dinner together.
One night, after a long day of fun, his wife took their kids (and my daughter) back to their cabin for a sleepover. He and I met up at the bar for a drink and things got a little flirty, but we kept it harmless. Now that we’re back home, he follows me on LinkedIn. My friends think he chose that platform because his wife is less likely to review it.
I really enjoy our conversations, but I can’t shake the feeling that they might lead to problems. I would like to remain friends, but is it risky? What do you think?
Anonymous
Ahh yes, the platform where clever cheaters come to do a little flirting – I know it very well.
Your friends are very enthusiastic about their opinions. This guy knows that if his wife wants to surprise him, Instagram and Facebook are her first stops. But “LinkedIn is a professional networking app, for God’s sake,” as my dubious ex-boyfriend once said.
‘There are no rules in the game of love; it’s about what makes you comfortable,” says Jana.
Spoiler alert: He was up to no good.
A quick Google search will reveal countless articles suggesting that LinkedIn has become the new dating app, and I agree. I’d suggest passing off that Christmas flirtation as a one-time thing and focusing on finding a million other available men to befriend (or more). And definitely stay away from this one: there’s nothing scarier than a scorned wife. Trust me.
Dear Jana,
I hope you can help me. After 17 years of marriage, I find myself back in the dating world and honestly, I feel lost. Things have changed a lot since my last appointment! How do women prefer to date these days? Back then, he would simply call their home phone and invite them to dinner. Now, these dating apps seem like a whole new ball game and I find them overwhelming.
I’m really just looking for a good woman to settle down with, but I keep hearing that I should date multiple women and that drinks are the way to go instead of dinner. I could really use some advice on how to navigate this new dating scene as a forty-something man. Any advice for this old fuddy-duddy would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you,
Roger
Roger, Roger, Roger, welcome to the modern era of dating! You’ll love (**cough cough, hate) it here. My first piece of advice is to stop listening to others and date however you want.
If you want to treat a lovely lady to a nice meal, do it! If you prefer to date one woman at a time, I give you the go-ahead. There are no rules in the game of love; It’s about what makes you comfortable.
But take it easy. This is not a race to find the next Mrs. Roger. You may feel a little alone and lost in the world of single life, but rushing to fill that void often leads to bad decisions. So the first step is to get comfortable being alone. Figure out who you are without a woman on your arm and you’ll have a better idea of the kind of person you could happily spend the rest of your life with.
So why not date a few women, one at a time, if you want? Just as Goldilocks took her time to figure out which porridge she liked best, take your time to get to know each woman’s personality and see who matches yours best.
Get out there, stud, and remember: dates are supposed to be fun, not job interviews!