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The sight of an older man canoodling with a woman 20 or even 40 years his junior may elicit a few sniggers, but the ‘old goat and (impressionable) young woman’ dynamic can be dire and deeply damaging for everyone involved.
Throughout history, men have set their sights on younger prey. Picasso seduced his second wife, Jacqueline Roque, when he was 71 and she was only 25, but his charisma and magnetic force were irresistible to many.
A more common scenario today is what I call “revenge of the nerds.” A man who was too studious and serious in his youth to be very attractive to women his age might achieve success in later life and, enjoying new prestige, suddenly find himself with access to pretty young women who he would not have had access to. her. I had given it a second look earlier.
Another common factor is men who married their childhood sweetheart and then, 30 years later, feel obligated to take advantage of the missed opportunities of a sexually active young man.
Picasso seduced his second wife, Jacqueline Roque (pictured together), when he was 71 and she was only 25.
An unusual quest to pursue younger women may also be triggered as an instinctive reaction to a damaged ego. When a man is knocked off his pedestal by financial failure or humiliated by a messy divorce, he may seek solace and status in a younger model.
It’s a good idea to be alert for these potential drivers in your partner and watch for telltale signs that could be completely innocent, but could also be red flags for a man involved with someone half his age or trying to impress him. .
Start wearing skinny jeans.
If your husband starts acting in an unusually vain manner (fixing his wardrobe, hitting the gym with a previously absent enthusiasm), you have reason to suspect that he might be looking for someone new. But if his new habits seem strange or ridiculous to a middle-aged man (maybe he started dyeing his hair or researching a hair transplant, traded in his cap for a bucket hat, and wore Gymshark hoodies), there might be a younger woman on his radar.
Use the words ‘rizz’, ‘bruh’ or ‘glazer’.
Unless your conversation is laden with irony or laced with healthy sarcasm, using popular teen slang terms like ‘rizz’ (charismatic), ‘cheugy’ (embarrassing or awkward) or ‘slaps’ (cool) in a middle-aged man is simply not appropriate. Yes, a newly expanded vocabulary could be a sign that you’re trying (ineffectively) to seem relevant to your kids and their friends, but equally, you could be properly ‘delulu’ about ‘catching some feelings’ for someone who’s out. of place. your age range.
He is concerned about the sexual inclinations of young people.
It’s very creepy when a grown man can’t stop talking about the ways young people have sex today, and you’re right to worry if he’s telling lurid stories about what his older kids are doing, or telling stories about the exuberant attitude of the receptionist. promiscuity. Whether you seem envious or dismayed, your intense interest could be a sign that you’re sailing too close to the wind.
He is looking for a chemical solution
Trying to keep up with a younger woman can be exhausting for an older man, and he might be forced to turn to chemicals like cocaine or Viagra to keep going. Watch for telltale dilated pupils or grunting (teeth clenching and erratic, uncontrollable jaw movements), or a newfound ability to be the life of the party when you previously yawned before the end of the 10 p.m. news.
Book tickets for a Vamps concert.
When your jazz-loving husband has spent the last few decades lamenting the way pop stars dress (‘Why don’t those guys pull up their pants?’), sing along (‘How are we expected to understand anyone?’) of those words?’ ) or performing (“it’s so LOUD!”) you may rightly be suspicious if you book tickets to see 5 Seconds Of Summer or an overnight spot at the Wireless Festival. There’s a subtle, but potentially sinister, difference between a healthy appreciation of new music and a newfound slavish devotion to synth-pop.
…and what to do if you suspect it is
Don’t try to play him in his game. A facelift and a new and exciting (for you) wardrobe won’t do. It’s much better to sit and talk. Tell him (gently) that his behavior is embarrassing and disrespectful. Catch things early enough and this could provide a great opportunity for you both to talk about the passage of time and what it means to grow older, together.
- As told to Louise Atkinson