HOT SECRETS: My boss, who is married, is 12 years older than me and we have a secret working relationship… but he won’t commit to me. Am I crazy?

Hello Jana,

I’m stuck in a sticky situation with a married man who is 12 years older than me. We’ve been colleagues for a couple of years and always enjoy a bit of flirting, but I’ve recently started reporting directly to him in my new position and our daily interactions have become intensely close. He texts me after meetings telling me I look sexy in a skirt or that my perfume is distracting him.

He has kids and he’s made it clear to me that they’re the only reason he can’t be with me. However, last week, during an all-night work conference, we almost slept together. He didn’t push it too hard, but he hinted that it might happen in the future. The mixed signals are driving me crazy.

I know this situation is doomed to fail, but he makes me feel amazing, like I’m the most fascinating person in the world. I’m struggling to handle these feelings, especially since I can’t talk about this with anyone. I just needed to get this off my chest and I could really use some advice without being judged.

Anonymous

Oh anonymous,

What is it about a man in charge that makes us women lose our common sense? I’d be lying if I said I (and a million other women) haven’t been in a similar situation, but I PROMISE YOU that one night of sex is not worth the future agony and tears that will follow.

Not to mention office gossip. While you probably think no one notices sexual tension, I assure you they do.

Sure, I understand the adrenaline rush of doing something wrong, especially during boring work hours, but this is a disaster waiting to happen.

Let’s look at it from his perspective for a second. He’s obviously enjoying the thrill of the chase while keeping one foot firmly planted in the “I’m happily married” camp. A classic play we’ve seen way too many times. And let’s face it, “My kids are the only reason I can’t be with you” is the standard cheater line for “I’m not going anywhere.”

You’re smart enough to know that this situation is a waste of time, but it seems like you’re in the middle of it all and those lustful vibes can sometimes make us forget about our brains. Damn your loins!

So here’s my advice: Take a step back and evaluate what you really want. Do you want to continue on this emotional roller coaster, or would you rather get off and find someone who is available and not playing games? If you can’t talk about this with anyone, at least talk to yourself. Be brutally honest about what’s really going on and what you deserve.

At the end of the day, you don’t need a married man to validate you. In fact, that’s the opposite of what you should be aiming for.

Dear Jana,

I’m a woman and I want to know the best way to meet attractive men in Sydney. No apps, singles nights, running clubs, etc. It all seems artificial. Just meeting someone naturally in nature without looking too thirsty. Help a sister out!

Keen

Dear Keen,

I’m obsessed with your description of Rawdog! Here, here for Rawdog dating! I’m happy to report that this is a very easy question to answer…

Go ahead and send a group text to all of your friends who are in a relationship or married asking them to put you in touch with any potential single men they know! I did this last weekend for a friend and it worked wonders.

She just moved to Australia and was keen to meet a single Aussie guy, so I organised a ‘casual’ drink at the pub with her and a group of friends (including two single guys I thought might be potential) and it worked out. She went on two more dates with one of them in particular and he came personally vetted by me. Which can’t be said for apps.

So ask anyone you know if they have a single friend who they think might be a good match for you. Divorce rates are through the roof right now, so there are more singles joining the scene every day. Make one of them yours!

Dear Jana,

Ever since my friends started having babies, I’ve gone out of my way to accommodate their needs: I’ve picked boring, stroller-friendly venues, politely put up with their kids constantly interrupting them while they were trying to have adult conversations, booked boring family-friendly restaurants, and even offered to hire babysitters so they could enjoy a night out without worrying about their kids. I did all of this willingly because I understand how difficult parenting can be.

But every time I ask for a little consideration in return (like when I suggested a more pet-friendly spot for my dog ​​at a recent get-together, or asked for a kid-free night with just the adults), I’m either ignored or dismissed. Oh, and don’t get me started on how they’re always late to events, using their kids as an excuse. It’s like I’m invisible because I chose not to have kids. The utter lack of reciprocity is driving me crazy. I feel abandoned and unimportant, simply because I chose a child-free lifestyle. The lack of reciprocity is really starting to wear on me.

I love spending time with my friends and making a genuine effort to include them, so I’m struggling with feelings of resentment. Is it irrational to feel this way? How can I address this without everyone ganging up on me?

Frustrated and forgotten

Oh, frustrated and forgotten,

I feel you! I have faced this problem many times too, and as much as I would love to join the wave and rant against these “selfish” parents, I can’t.

You see, I recently had a “back to Jesus” moment that brought me back to my place. Not long ago I wrote an article saying that we all need to accept that there are friends who can beat us in the race for marriage and babies, and that we need to send them off to move on and then catch up with them on the other side. We can renew our friendships once they have the time and freedom to come and have fun with us once again.

I was thinking it would be much smarter to spend time with our fellow singles and give some space to the parents in our midst. But something happened that I didn’t expect. I missed those friends so much. My brother also had two little ones and it’s not like you can just say to family “bye, we’ll catch up when they’re in high school.”

So yes, it really is a shame that parents get distracted by these little sugar-addicted, energy-sapping monsters, and sometimes forget that we deserve all the attention we deserve too. But have you ever tried babysitting?

I did this the other day and oh my god, it’s crazy! As I drove home to a quiet apartment, a hot bath, and a big glass of wine, I thought to myself that these parents deserve a medal for devoting themselves full-time to the task of “raising children.”

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but give your friends a break. They’re not being selfish, they’re being responsible for little terrors and they’re probably just too tired and overworked. So keep meeting them on kid-friendly outings and then go out for cocktails with your single friends. And you know what, maybe offer to babysit them from time to time. That’ll help change your mind. Trust me!