A ‘breakup coach’ who helps people cultivate ‘self-love’ has revealed the three ‘controversial things’ that make her relationship work.
In a TikTok video which has been viewed almost 650,000 times, Lauren Savage, from Southampton, admits the boundaries she and her boyfriend of three years, Somto, have set are “a little bit different, but it’s what works for us”.
But while many of her viewers have praised Lauren’s relationship hacks as “healthy” and “adult”, others have questioned whether the video was an attempt to convince herself that her approach is a good one.
Lauren, who posts as @laurenjasminecoaching, acknowledges that “no two relationships are the same” before introducing her first hack, which is having two duvets.
Lauren is pictured with Somto, her partner of three years. The pair don’t usually talk when they’re apart, which means they have more to talk about when they get back together.
She said it’s the “solution to an ongoing problem” that has plagued their relationship.
“We both wrapped ourselves up. I love being wrapped up, he does too,” she told viewers.
In the past, they “really lost sleep” fighting over the duvet.
“He would take it from me, I would take it from him,” she said.
Anticipating possible criticism from viewers about the couple’s approach, Lauren stressed that she and Somto “like to cuddle” and the fact that the two duvets don’t stop them from doing so.
She added: “They are duvets. You can move them. If we want to hug each other, we can still do that.”
Moving on to the second “controversial thing” that makes their relationship work well, Lauren told her audience that she and Somto tend not to talk when one of them is away.
Lauren Savage from Southampton, who posts on TikTok as @laurenjasminecoaching, is a “breakup coach.” She shared three “controversial things” that make her relationship work
Although Lauren and her partner sleep in the same bed, they have separate duvets, which makes for a more comfortable night’s sleep. They also refrain from kissing and hugging in front of other people.
“If one of us is going away for the night or the weekend somewhere, we don’t really talk,” Lauren said.
She explained that not texting all the time is “the way we respect each other’s ‘me’ time and respect each other’s independent plans.”
While it wasn’t always this way (at the beginning of their relationship, the couple “texted each other just to text”), Lauren was quick to point out the benefit of setting this kind of boundary.
“When we get back together – which we will because I’m only away for a weekend – we’ll have a lot to talk about,” she told viewers.
However, the couple has not cut off contact completely. Instead, they continue to exchange “good night” and “good morning” messages when they are apart.
The third and final ‘controversial thing’ is Lauren and Somto’s shared preference when it comes to public displays of affection (PDA).
“We don’t do public displays of affection,” Lauren says, adding that her siblings “can tell” because they are “extremely tactile” with their own partners.
While their siblings “hold hands constantly” and hug “no matter who they’re in front of,” Lauren and Somto “just don’t do it.”
Several TikTokers praised Lauren’s approach to their relationship and agreed with her three boundaries.
He added: “I think it’s just the kind of people we are.”
However, Lauren was quick to assure viewers that they are, in fact, very affectionate with each other when they are alone and occasionally go against their own guidelines by holding hands in public or kissing in front of their family.
She insisted that the lack of PDA doesn’t mean she and Somto don’t love each other.
“It doesn’t mean we’re just colleagues,” he added.
Lauren noted that she doesn’t think the three relationship hacks are “that weird.”
One person commented: ‘The split duvets are really elite.’
Another added: ‘The fact that you don’t force the conversation when you’re doing your own thing is so real… I shouldn’t expect my other half to give me ALL their time.’
A third person agreed, writing: “Amen to not talking when we’re not together.”
Others explained that having separate duvets is not at all controversial in some parts of Europe, including Scandinavian countries and Iceland.
TikTok users also appreciated Lauren’s approach to public displays of affection, with a fourth person posting: “Not showing off publicly in front of family is a very real thing.”
A fifth praised Lauren and Somto’s approach as a whole, writing: ‘I’m not sure why this is controversial for people. This really sounds like a safe and trusting relationship and I honestly respect everything you just said!’
A sixth said: “It sounds healthy and not co-dependent.”
Others agreed, especially regarding the two duvets, explaining that this is actually a common solution in many parts of Europe.
One user explained: ‘I experienced the whole separate duvet thing in a hotel in Iceland (same bed) and honestly, it’s a game changer.’
A second added: ‘Separate duvets are the norm in Scandinavia and it’s a blessing!’
Another group of users took the opportunity to share their own relationship hacks.
One person explained that instead of opting for separate duvets, she and her partner “just bought one larger duvet,” which is “aesthetically more pleasing” than two mismatched single duvets.
While other TikTokers took the opportunity to share their own relationship hacks, others were more critical.
While a second admitted: “I wouldn’t even want to sleep in the same bed.”
However, not everyone agreed that Lauren’s “controversial things” were the answer.
One person lamented: “As someone who suffers from severe separation anxiety from my partner of five years, I wish I could stop texting.”
While someone said, “Are you trying to convince us or yourself?”
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