Half of people who cheat are eventually caught, for two main reasons.
Being married to our phones and to our partners means that most leave damning fingerprints that expose the truth.
The second red flag is a series of behavioral changes that make your partner suspicious or curious.
Are you worried that yours is up to something he shouldn’t be doing? These are the eight most reliable indicators that your partner is gambling.
1. THEY CARRY THEIR PHONE EVERYWHERE
This is the number one ‘I’m cheating’ giveaway.
Even the most trusting person starts to think, “That’s weird” when a couple who used to happily leave their phone lying around suddenly almost have a heart attack when you dare to pick it up.
Cheaters carry it with them, always. Even in the bathroom when they are showering. They will quickly swipe up if they see you looking over your shoulder or to the left to delete something.
Tracey Cox says cheaters carry their phone with them at all times, even in the bathroom when showering (file image)
A study by American divorce attorneys revealed that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in cases involving social media and cell phone testing.
If you’re suspicious, look for deleted messages when your partner leaves their phone open (and if you’re really suspicious, Google how to find and read messages that have been deleted. It’s very easy).
2. THEY INSIST ON PRIVACY THAT THEY DID NOT NEED BEFORE
They get nervous if you sit next to them when they are “working” online. They start closing and locking the bathroom or toilet door, when they were perfectly happy peeing and showering with the door open.
They are less forthcoming about the minutiae of their day. They talk less about the new ‘friend’ they made at work that they couldn’t keep quiet about (be alert here: it usually means the relationship has gone from an emotional affair to a physical one).
Relationships thrive on transparency, and if you notice things like changed passwords, your partner not taking calls in front of you, or changes in openness levels in general, pay attention.
3. THEY CAN’T KEEP THEIR STORIES DIRECT
It takes a lot of planning and lying to hide an affair – one of the reasons most end up disappearing. It’s exhausting having to remember everything you said you did or didn’t do.
Sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox (pictured) warns that if a cheater asks a friend to cover up their affair, they are more likely to be criticized.
The longer the adventure, the more likely you are to see inconsistencies in their stories, especially if they know they are cornered. Research shows that our memories are less reliable under stress.
The way to trip someone up is to ask them questions about what happened just before or after the event you think they are lying about. Most people rehearse a lie just to cover the period when they were cheating.
Ask what they had for lunch or dinner before or after the event. How busy it was on the road/how crowded the subway was. Things they didn’t expect to be asked about.
Sometimes simple questions can generate revealing clues. If your partner is at a “work conference,” ask, “How’s the weather there?” It’s such an innocent question that most people immediately answer with the truth: “It’s pouring rain,” when they’re supposed to be somewhere sunny.
4. THEY ARE DOING THINGS THEY DON’T NORMALLY DO
The hunched sofa that turns into a gym bunny. The guy who normally wears old, shabby sweaters suddenly puts on a shirt and a suit jacket.
Having a new interest in improving your appearance may be a sign that you want to look better and healthier for yourself… or that you want to impress someone else. Major lifestyle changes are strong indicators of an affair when there is no other obvious reason for it.
To spot a cheater, sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox recommends asking your partner simple questions about their day (stock image)
5. THEY SEND THE WRONG MESSAGE TO THE WRONG PERSON
I had a friend who did this: she sent the message intended for the lover she was about to see, to her husband.
It said, ‘You’ll be inside me in less than an hour.’
Considering her husband was at work and she was on a train to meet her ‘sister’, she might as well have texted him: ‘Surprise! I’m having an affair!’
Caught red-handed, she had the grace to not even try to get out of there and they divorced shortly after. Even a simple “I had a great time last night” sent to the wrong person has been the downfall of many secret affairs.
6. YOUR LOCATION TRACKING REVEALS WHERE THEY REALLY ARE
When things were rosy in their relationship, they both checked “yes” to allow location services to tell each other where they were both at any time.
Years later, you’ve forgotten… and been caught in a blatant lie. “I’m with a friend getting a facial,” you say when they call you. ‘Really?’ your partner replies, ‘I didn’t know pubs like The Queens Head offered facials.’
Thirty-four percent of people who caught their partner cheating found out through digital means, such as location-sharing apps.
7. THEY TELL OTHER PEOPLE WHAT THEY ARE DOING
By the time you tell someone you’re cheating, you’ve told two people. Virtually everyone tells their partner or a close confidant a secret they’ve been told to keep, and they tell theirs.
One person quickly doubles and triples, and before you know it, confessing to one person means a dozen other people know.
However, 72 percent of people tell at least one person about their infidelity, mainly because they want to talk about the person they are in love or lust with (or both).
Get a friend to cover your secret dates and you’ll be even more likely to get criticized, especially if it’s a friend your partner sees too.
If they don’t let you down, their partner will (‘Wait, wasn’t that the day you helped your sister move?’).
Sometimes it’s intentional: they have promised not to tell but they feel bad about it.
8. THEY ARE LESS LOVING
Another classic indicator of infidelity: your partner becomes emotionally distant or disconnected from you.
The reason people withdraw is obvious: guilt makes it difficult to look someone you are betraying in the eyes. Or, if your emotional energy is invested elsewhere, your partner may now seem sadly lacking and unworthy of your love.
Whatever the reason, when someone who was once attentive suddenly stops being attentive, something has changed in their life.
Issue or not, this issue must be addressed head-on.
- SexTok with Tracey and Kelsey comes out every Wednesday. You will find Tracey’s books wherever you buy her books and information about her and her product ranges at traceycox.com.