Table of Contents
Yo I knew I wanted to make a change when I couldn’t go more than five minutes without needing some kind of encouragement. Music, podcasts, movies, reels, a combination of them or all at once (maybe) made up the soundtrack of my life. This inability to sit still, to pay attention without seeking distractions, is not unique to me, nor is the feeling that the infinite scroll leaves you exhausted and feeling further bored. But I don’t want to fall into this state of being.
I want to stop using screens, music, and podcasts to fill in the gaps when I should have downtime. I want to be able to be bored. For me, boredom is a state in which nothing seems to stop the appetite to want to do something. I believe that taking a couple of months to consciously stop mindless device use and instead use my downtime to be with myself, in local spaces, will instill in me a sense of calm that will help me slow down and learn. to exist without the need for digital. distractions. It’s embarrassing not being able to tolerate boredom. But not only that, it’s scary not being able to decide where to direct your attention.
In undertaking my challenge, I hoped that this would lead me down the path to greater attention and awareness of the world around me, where stopping to smell the roses would not only be worth it, but I would also realize that there were roses there to begin with. with. I want to rebuild my attention.
week one
The novelty of starting something new has me excited and optimistic.
It starts with me untangling myself from my phone; deleting my social media apps and not listening to anything on my commute or while doing mundane tasks.
This is definitely uncomfortable and difficult at first (I keep thinking of things to do to avoid getting bored, who would have thought!), but it’s not entirely unpleasant when I’m finally left staring into space. It’s refreshing to have the time and space to listen to my thoughts.
week two
Walking around without my ears on is starting to make me notice things I normally don’t look twice at.
But when I receive some unexpected news about my life situation, I feel the need to purge myself of all negative emotions. The solution? Dissociation through copious amounts of multimedia content.
I feel guilty for backing out before my video call with Professor James Danckert, an expert in the psychology of boredom at the University of Waterloo, Canada. Could he tell that he wasn’t bored enough?
But the cognitive neuroscientist explains that forcing boredom or becoming “boredom prone” is not good for you.
Turns out I was wrong about boredom. Danckert tells me that it is actually “a state of great motivation, but in the moment it is frustrating because you want to do something that matters to you but you can’t find an outlet for that motivation.”
Boredom is useful because it pushes us to explore our environment and engage in something meaningful, he says. The hard part is finding or rediscovering “the thing” that matters to you.
So I decide that this challenge is no longer about wanting to be bored, but about learning to tolerate feelings of boredom so that I have the space to train my attention to where I am and want to be.
week three
After my conversation with Danckert, I think about what I felt I like being bored and how long has it been since I had that feeling. When was the last time I let that anxious restlessness arise in me? When was the last time I walked aimlessly around my living room?
The silence I wanted to avoid is not as scary as I thought. In fact, it is helping me discern the things in my life that deserve my attention and care.
I was so used to jumping from stimulus to stimulus that when I start leaning into silence, I realize I have more time because the world doesn’t run at 10 TikToks a minute. So with this time that I have recovered I make a list of things that I have wanted to do and would do during these weeks. At the top there is a desire to return to drawing.
As I sit down, I instinctively reach for my phone, but instead I stop to think about what I really want to do. Instead of letting idle scrolling wear me down, maybe this feeling can be directed toward something that energizes me. It’s time to finally put up my photos and make my room feel like my own.
week four
I start going for walks frequently during my free time while I still don’t have headphones.
I notice bottle brush staining the sidewalks and jacaranda trees starting to sprout in places I didn’t expect to see bright purple. Was summer really that close? Seeing these signs of nature reminds me of the way time moves, beyond the numbers on a clock, and in a very physical sense that marks the terrain on which we walk.
I realize that the way I had been thinking about time was wrong. It was condensing when I binged on social media apps. As I stopped paying attention to the things around me, time was getting longer.
week five
During a moment of boredom-induced reflection, I think about friends’ birthdays I’ve scheduled for this week and remember my list of things I want to do. Highlight one item on the list: make birthday cards!
I used to make cards all the time when I was a kid. I wonder why I hadn’t spent time on this when I love making gifts for my friends. Maybe I thought I didn’t have enough time, didn’t care enough, or lacked focus to see the process from start to finish.
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When I give them to my friends the response is much better than expected. It leaves me feeling full; This was time well spent.
week six
There have been times when I feel self-conscious about not being on the phone or having my ears covered. I notice that when I expect something, those around me default to pulling out their phones.
By tuning into my boredom and resisting the calls for my attention, I actively choose to be present, which, honestly, wasn’t a feeling I knew well. However, because my ability to sit with myself has grown, I have noticed my friendships deepening. Now I have something else to say, instead of just entertaining my friends with meaningless memes. I have a feeling of connection That goes beyond watching the same content.
Week seven
Despite being so far from the challenge, the desire to consume some type of content is always present. I think back to my conversation with Danckert, who assured me that there was nothing wrong with “vegetating” but with “being aware of the fact that that is what we want to do.”
So I decided to try watching slow TV as a substitute for what I usually do (my comfort sitcoms) to help me cultivate that sense of stillness.
I began the seven-hour train journey from Bergen to Oslo and although it was boring, I had the ability to take my time to choose where I directed my attention and when to stop.
Week eight
Tuning into boredom is easier when you’re out of town! So I’m heading to Barren Grounds Nature Reserve with a couple of friends to change up the way we normally hang out.
Being immersed in local wildlife and surrounded by unwavering vegetation fills me with a deep sense of wonder and curiosity. Although I had appreciated this more on my daily walks, disconnection from the human world helps me put into perspective what I have cultivated since embarking on this journey toward boredom: I have developed a greater tolerance for being with myself. , making every day feel well lived.
week nine
I go out for a walk around the city and discover that I can let the idiosyncrasies of the world entertain me. Sitting in a cafe I watch people pass by and, as my mind runs freely, I realize, with joy, that I do not need an external stimulus to awaken thought.
I begin to literally engage in the world around me. On the bus, a couple argues loudly about which stop they should get off at. Noticing that other passengers were preoccupied with their phones, I responded to them immediately. They seemed grateful that someone was paying attention to their plight.
Their stop is my home stop, and when I get off the bus I deeply appreciate knowing where I am without hesitation. He knew where he was all the time. Being able to share that knowledge with other people reaffirms my sense of being part of this city.
The end
The simplicity of the changes I made to my routine has made these two-plus months pretty unremarkable.
I used to be in the habit of searching, but now I’m more than happy to just notice. I feel like I have a choice in how I spend my time. I’m better for it. Getting better at recognizing signs of boredom and not stressing out about doing nothing has helped me form a deeper form of attention and connection to the world.
It looks like most things will stick around, but after the days passed I couldn’t help but binge on my social media apps. It seems like my desire for immediate gratification is something that will always be a work in progress.
Despite this, I keep coming back to what Danckert said when I asked him what role phones play in all of this: “We just turn to them and pick them up without thinking: Do I need a recharge or do I need to do something that’s important to me? me? And if you ask that question every time you pick up the phone, you might hang up more times than you think.”
It’s all too easy to get lost in a world that stands out for capturing your attention. But I have rediscovered a place where I want to be bored.